1. You will have to throw away all of the food you own and scour grocery stores for gluten-free bread so that you don’t starve.
2. You will shout out loud in grocery stores when you come across gluten-free pretzels.
3. Someone will accuse you of doing this to “be trendy.”
4. You’ll learn to be OK with paying $10 for five cookies.
THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL NOW.
5. Grocery shopping will take twice as long because you have to read EVERY. WORD. on EVERY. INGREDIENTS LIST.
6. You will create heartfelt bonds with your beloved gluten-free brands.
7. You’ll celebrate when something is labeled as “naturally gluten-free” because OH BOY WATCH OUT THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER.
8. People will be confused by what exactly you can eat.
“So you can eat, like, celery and that’s it?”
9. You will judge grocery stores based on the quality of the cell phone signal you get there.
10. Because you will have to google every brand to find an FAQ about gluten.
11. You will feel betrayed by inanimate objects like SOY SAUCE.
WHY DIDN’T SOY SAUCE EVER WARN YOU ABOUT THIS?
12. You will develop a dependency on every kind of rice dish.
13. You will see a label like this and wonder “Will this hurt me terribly if it shared a facility with wheat?”
14. You will be slightly depressed by Google search suggestions.
15. Waiters will hate you.
17. You will wonder why major food companies don’t provide gluten-free options.
Yes, more and more GF brands are available in stores, BUT IT COULD BE SO MUCH EASIER.
18. You will have to buy something called guar gum if you ever want to bake again.
19. …until you find an all purpose gluten-free flour.
IT’S SO MUCH EASIER!
21. YOU CAN’T DISCUSS OATS ANYMORE. YOU JUST CAN’T.
22. Everyone will cruelly ask you if you miss pasta, and you will think they are dumb.
23. Then you will try to tell them about corn-quinoa pasta, which is actually great, and they just won’t understand.
“IT’S A BLEND OF CORN AND QUINOA! IT’S AMAZING!”