1. “Didn’t know I ordered this slice with a side of INJUSTICE.”
2. “I have terrible indigestion at the indignity of this!”
3. “Excuse me, I can just hear you breathing over there. Your equipment isn’t that secretive.”
4. “Did you want some? Are you the National SHARING Agency now?”
5. “I can cheat on my diet if I WANT TO, thank you VERY much.”
6. “We understand that it’s not delivery. We’re squirrels, not idiots.”
9. “Pepperoni should be pepper-lonely. I don’t need the company, fellas.”
10. “MAYBE I LIKE A PICNIC I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT IS ILLEGAL CURRENTLY IN THIS COUNTRY.”
11. “I know I’m a little lactose intolerant, but I’m not going to let that stop me.”
12. “Are you trying to take a picture of me or of the beautiful setting behind me? Choose wisely.”
13. “It’s my last bite, dude, just let me finish this in peace.”
17. “I bought this piece of sauceless and cheeseless pizza, and I think that’s enough shame for one day.”
18. “Can’t you read the sign? It means ‘GIVE ME PEACE,’ so step off.”
19. “I thought this tree was the last safe place on Earth. Guess not.”
20. “Y’know, murderers are just running around the streets while you’re doing this.”
21. “I call it ‘squeeza.’ It’s squirrel plus pizza. Creative, no? You’re writing all of this down, why?”
23. “Friggin’ government, busting down my doors every damn day.”
24. “YOU CAN USE THE ZOOM FUNCTION, YOU DON’T NEED TO STAND THIS CLOSE. JEEZ.”
25. “It’s just a little snack. It’s nothing I should be ashamed about.”
27. “Paid $2 for this pizza, and I intend to sit here until I have finished what I paid for.”
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