2. “Uh, no, I don’t think I can go to work today, actually. Sorry. No.”
3. “If you can drag me out of here unscathed, then I will get up and go to work.”
5. “I’ve literally never cared so little about accessorizing until today.”
6. “Before I go, first tell me about all the dreams you had last night because maybe by the time you’re done telling me, I’ll have stalled long enough.”
8. “The excitement and enthusiasm that you’re forcing upon me is only making me angrier.”
9. “HOW IS THIS MY ONLY CLEAN LAUNDRY OPTION FOR TODAY HOW IS IT.”
10. “Well, three coffees this morning might’ve been a bad idea, I’ll admit it.”
11. “Someone take notes for me during this meeting, please. I seem to have misplaced my paper. Forever.”
12. “Just so you’re aware, Monday does not, in fact, look better from this angle.”
13. “The darkness of this balloon represents my soul on days like today.”
14. “Let me slouch, please. Just let me have this poor posture for today.”
15. “If I let go of this pillow, the nightmare of Monday will become all too real.”
16. “SORRY I’M JUST A LITTLE BIT OFF MY GAME SOMETHING ABOUT RETROGRADE, ETC.”
17. “See this here? It’s my grumpy feelings box. It’s where you can forward all my calls for the rest of the day.”
“Also, don’t forward my calls.”
18. “GOOD MORNING I GUESS WHAT IS MORNING HELP THIS IS TERRIBLE OH GOD.”
19. “I’m just sinking into this day. Soaking it all in, really. Getting the full effect.”
21. “Thank goodness, because this horrible day should be over now.”
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