1. Check yourself in the mirror before you leave the house, and take off one accessory.
“Mirror, mirror on the floor,
Who’s the one that you adore?
Just don’t tell me it’s Melissa,
because she dresses like a whore.”
2. Theme parties are fun! Don’t over-do it.
“This is the last frat party I ever go to. Y’all are the worst.”
3. Less isn’t always more when it comes to clothing.
“Try this on for size, stock photos! Who’s sexy now??”
4. Wear shoes that are appropriate for the occasion.
Fact: hedgehogs should be used as shoe fresheners. Keeps you smellin’ like a fresh garden all day long.
5. It’s okay to wear white after Labor Day!
“AND THEN I SAID TO KATE, ‘NEXT TIME JUST WEAR A TOP,’ BECAUSE SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER. PASS THE BUTTER, I’M THE QUEEN.”
6. Have a friend make sure you don’t have any weird stains or wrinkles on your outfit.
“Crazier things have happened. Now rub my butt a little more.
7. Wear comfy clothes on cold mornings - the feel of PJs without the gross and desperate vibe.
“I don’t know why, but you make coffee in the loudest yet most awesome way possible. Help me find the other arm hole then shut up.”
8. Wear shoes that are comfortable or don’t wear any shoes at all.
“Oh, jeez. Fell right out of them. Haha, what a klutz.”
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