After such a late night out, brunch with Ru doesn’t start until 2pm at least. Hangover be damned. Put your best wig on. Double check your make-up. And bring your A-game, gurl. This is brunch, not America’s Best Friend Race.
You got: Andy Warhol
People will be talking about the time you and Andy had brunch for ages to come. There will be 300-page long memoirs about what you both ate. There will be pop art paintings of you clinking mimosa glasses. Eat fast though, dear. You only have fifteen minutes.
You got: Cher
Now that the nuclear holocaust has come and gone, you might as well have bottomless mimosa brunch with Cher. You meet her at the only restaurant that survived the blast and have a great time. You’re both having such a great time, you don’t even mind that your mimosa has an eerie green glow.
You got: Madonna
Your food hasn’t even come yet and you’ve already started speaking with a British accent. Madonna gives you a nod of approval. You see Lady Gaga eyeing you both from three tables over and have security escort her out.
You got: Grace Jones
You and Grace have brunch at a different restaurant every weekend because you’re too fucking cool for repetition but also because you have a habit of getting kicked out of restaurants for being too wild. Put on your best fascinator, do a few tequila shots between servings and throw a plate or two on the floor just because you can.
You got: Dolly Parton
Brunch with your girl Dolly is all about laid-back laughs, great Southern food and even better drinks. Anyone is welcome to join as long as they keep up with conversation or at least, carry a tune. Brunch can’t run on for too long though. You both have Botox appointments this afternoon.
You got: Lady Gaga
You and Gaga take turns changing outfits between drinks. By the time the food comes, you’ve traded wigs and started rhapsodizing about Art and Expression and Desire. Madonna is sitting three tables away, plotting your imminent demise.
You got: Liza Minnelli
Liza is twenty minutes late for brunch because she got “lost.” Once the waiter helps her to her seat though, she’s a total blast. You convince her to sing “Cabaret.” It’s all fun and games until she climbs on the table and tries to do the original choreography.