1. Welcome to America.
2. Where the people are proud of who they are.
3. A land of resourceful inventors.
4. And close, loving families.
5. We love our food.
6. Like really, really love our food.
7. And food loves us.
8. It's a beautiful relationship.
9. We have a badass mascot.
10. And we've had a some pretty cool presidents.
11. Sure, our military might get a little overzealous.
12. And some of our citizens might be a little lazy.
13. Alright, very lazy.
14. OK, we get it.
15. And a few of us might be rude.
16. But we're the Ron Swanson of countries.
17. Some people think we're pretty goofy.
18. And sometimes we are.
19. But sometimes following your dreams looks a little crazy.
20. We've got some growing up to do, for sure.
21. But even Canada messes up from time to time.
22. So be proud to be an American.
23. But not too proud.
24. There's no reason to be pushy.
25. People already think we're too aggressive.
26. And too much of a good thing is annoying.
27. Unless you're this guy.
28. Or this guy.
29. God bless.
