Pretending To Be An Adult

This 401K makes so much sense!- and other lies I tell myself.

I Like Reading the Newspaper

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I really, really, REALLY care about the world. I do, I promise!

But- the only times I have successfully read an article in the papers was when it was about

A) A Famous Person

B) A Sports Game

C) Pictures YAY!

Still, I pick that paper up and put on my Big Girl Pants (er, reading glasses and a cup of coffee in hand) and browse the front page.

Nope, nothing looks good. Blah blah blah, stuff, interesting, hmm, ok, hmm, comics!!! I hope they have Pearls Before Swine (in color!!).

Done reading the newspaper. Can't wait to see tomorrow's edition.

I'll Save This Many Dollars By (Fill in Blank)

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Hands down the biggest lie I tell myself. Partly because there is no follow-through, but mostly entirely because I am a ginormous baffoon.

Now, is saving money a good idea? ER DER Captain Obvious! Should we poll an audience of folks 26-55 and ask them how dumb I am?

Please don't. It will hurt my feelings! Wah wah.

Someday, maybe when I'm, hmm, let's say 40?, I will look back on my younger self and pat her on the back and then slap her forehead.

Great, now I'm terrified of 40 Year Old Me.

I Have So Much To Do This Week!

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Yeah, sure.

Grocery shopping. OK. Gym time? Good job, You, you're making great strides in this Big Bad World.

Now, if we take a look at your To Do list, what do we see?

"Paint nails"

"Pick up laundry"

"Remove nail polish"

"Paint nails new color"

"Clean room"

"Seriously, clean it"

"Movie night! :)"

"Paint toes"

"Think of vacation ideas for fall"

You're right! You have SO much to do! Life is tough being an adult, huh? SO tough. Look at You, kid. Look at all those things you have to check off.

Did you order your Thai food yet? Ugh, SO much to remember! UGH, did you remember to text back Sam? SO MUCH TO DO!! SO LITTLE TIME!!

Now, get back to watching your third hour of television or you'll get behind schedule!

I Am My Own Person!

Ha. Ha! HA HA HA!!

That's so cute! You think you're your own person?! Cute, really cute!

Let's go tell that to Mom and Dad.

"Ha. Ha! HA HA HA!" they cry out together in unison! "Oh, honey, do you really think that? That's so cute, really cute. Would you like your phone bill sent to you every month now? How about the next time you're sick you use your own health insurance? Or maybe just pay your own co-pay?"

Ugh, Mom and Dad are so insensitive! Why don't you go run to your bedroom and slam the door?! DEFIANCE!!