9 Crazy Diseases You're More Likely To Catch In The US Than Ebola

Like the plague. The Bubonic plague.

1. Typhoid Fever

profiles.nlm.nih.gov / Via cdc.gov

Also known as Typhus, this early 20th century terror is SO retro with roughly 5,700 cases still reported in the US each year.

2. Tuberculosis

entertainmentfuse.com / Via cdc.gov

Fans of Moulin Rouge will know this disease as "Consumption."

Or, "the blood cough thing that murdered Nicole Kidman and ruined true love."

Either way, the 9,582 US cases reported in 2013 tell me this disease should be the center of our 24/7 panic.

3. Bubonic Plague

chicagoreader.com / Via cdc.gov

According to the CDC, up to 17 Americans PER YEAR still come down with this Middle Ages buzzkill.

4. Malaria

Via medicalnewstoday.com

"The number of malaria cases in the US has reached a 40-year high, with 1,925 cases reported in 2011."

I demand a "which bowling alley did he visit" news segment for each of these cases.

And I want tabs on every American mosquito. Immediately.

5. Cholera

nytimes.com / Via cnn.com

In 2011, there were 42 cholera cases reported in the US.

That's more than 10x the number of US Ebola cases (SO FAR, I can hear Fox News screaming in the distance).

6. Necrotizing Fasciitis

wordpress.com / Via cdc.gov

The "flesh-eating infection"

650-800 people develop this horror movie disease in the US each year.

7. Swine Flu

forbes.com / Via weather.com

That's right. H1N1 - of 2009 pandemic fame - is still alive and kicking in the US.

At least 120 cases were reported in 2013.

Just remember: in a couple years, you'll be watching an episode of VH1's "I Love 2014," and you'll say, "Oh man, Ebola! Remember that madness? We were so scared, we started playing beer pong with water in the cups."

Ah. Future memories.

8. West Nile Virus

kndu.images.worldnow.com / Via diseasemaps.usgs.gov

1,585 US cases this year.

Ebola panic seem ridiculous yet?

9. And, Finally...

aids.gov / Via aids.gov

Let's not forget AIDS, which is transmitted through far fewer bodily fluids than Ebola. 32,052 Americans were diagnosed with AIDS in 2011.

32,052.

AIDS had its own panic in the 1980s, but with so many still being diagnosed each year, where's today's panic? The demand for answers? Mass donations from the public?

There is a lot you can do to help fight this real US Epidemic.

There's also a lot you can do to help the real Ebola epidemic in Africa.

Demanding to know which Uber car each US patient took is not one of those things.

adammclane.com