A Definitive Ranking Of School Store Items

A veritable palace for all your school supplies needs. Choose wisely.

10. Cap Erasers

Functionality: 7
Fun: 2
Wow factor: 1
Total: 10
Comments: Cap erasers are the plain vanilla of the school store; they have a place, but no one seems to set out to buy them. They erase well enough, but their tops always seem to break off. At least you could draw eyes on them and pretend the split was a mouth. Minus points if they only came in plain pink.

9. Glitter Pencils

Functionality: 5
Fun: 3
Wow factor: 7
Total: 15
Comments: As cool as the holographic glitter patterns could be, these pencils were never the stars of the school store. After a couple of (extremely labor intensive) sharpenings, the shiny sheath would slide off, leaving an unappealing white pencil in its place.

8. Shaped Mini-Erasers

Functionality: -1
Fun: 8
Wow factor: 9
Total: 16
Comments: Now we’re talking. These bad boys were a school store staple. Unfortunately, their rad shapes and crazy colors rendered them completely useless for well…erasing, leaving you with a smudged spelling test and a greyish ice-cream cone.

7. Clip-On Pencil “Critters”

Functionality: 0
Fun: 9
Wow factor: 8
Total: 17
Comments: As cute as these little guys were, they served absolutely no purpose. Plus, there were only about three animal options, so your adorable tan koala was exactly the same as three other kids’ at your lunch table. But, if you mastered the slinging technique, you could fling these things half way across the classroom, which was pretty great.

6. Fluffy Flamingo Pens

Functionality: 3
Fun: 7
Wow factor: 9
Total: 19
Comments: These pens were fierce, and, their cap was a foot. They stood up, on your desk. Crazy. Their only downfall is that the ink runs out super quickly, so you’re ultimately left with a shedding, feathery paperweight.

5. Roll-Tongue Animal Keychain

Functionality: 3
Fun: 10
Wow factor: 8
Total: 21
Comments: One simply cannot deny how great it felt to squeeze this little frog under your desk at your teacher; a true act of grade school rebellion. However, did anyone else think that the air that came out from the tongue smelled a little like old hot dogs?

4. School Apparel

Functionality: 9
Fun: 5
Wow factor: 7
Total: 22
Comments: Admit it. You felt incredibly cool rocking those elementary school threads, repping your tiny alma-mater. If your school store was sophisticated enough to carry these, you were in luck. However, they tended to be a little on the pricey side, so quarters from your parents’ change jar would not be cutting it.

3. Scented Stickers

Functionality: 4
Fun: 10
Wow factor: 9
Total: 23
Comments: Few smells were sweeter than the aroma of a fresh pack of scented stickers. Sadly, the “scent” often faded after about two days, its fruity shape a cruel reminder of what once was. Still, giving these out to your friends was a pretty baller move (even if you kept the strawberry to yourself).

2. Koosh Ball 2.0

Functionality: 6
Fun: 10
Wow factor: 9
Total: 25
Comments: These balls were spiny, rubberized pieces of heaven. Great for a game of catch on the playground (and for about five minutes in class before the teacher confiscated it).

1. Smencils

Functionality: 10
Fun: 8
Wow factor: 10
Total: 28
Comments: Smencils were and still are the undisputed rulers of the school store. These pencils were hella-classy. I mean come on, gourmet scents. I doubt any other of your school items were gourmet. Not to mention the fact that these smells were meant to last. A two year scent guarantee? I’m sold. AND THERE WERE SO MANY FLAVORS. If you could get your hands on them all, you were basically a god.

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