8 Real Office Motivational Posters That Could Be About Bad Sex

We have these all over my office. I can't help but think they're aimed directly at my erectile dysfunction.

1. Ugh. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard this.

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LIES. I know you're just trying to make me feel better. Motion of the ocean and all that. It's crap and I know it.

2. No pressure.

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I'M TRYING but she just said the thing about being small and now I'm all distracted.

3. OMG I SAID I'M TRYING

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Listen. I'm 5'-3" tall and wear a size 7 shoe. This thing is not gonna set any records, honey. We should probably get that out of the way now.

4. OMG back off.

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I think I'm concentrating way too hard at this point about it not working and now it's not working I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

5. I wish my insurance covered Viagra.

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She hates me. This is going terribly. We're 5 to 10 minutes in at this point and Mr Stiffy is a no-show. Might be time to think about that Cinemax After Dark I watched the other night. Cinemax. HBO. Showtime. I wonder if Comcast has any new packages AND OMG THAT'S NOT HELPING.

6. I'm out of strawberries.

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Nothing's working. I even went to the fridge for a 9-1/2 Weeks food orgy type thing and only found MiracleWhip. I love MiracleWhip. WAIT. IT'S HAPPENING...

7. Let's get this over with.

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I have no idea how long I've got with this thing SO LET'S MOVE, WOMAN.

8. Get out.

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That's never happened to me before. I blame you. I hope it was a great 15 seconds for you.