What To Expect When Your Wife/Girlfriend Is Expecting (For Men)

This a humorous look on what men could expect for the 9 months while their significant other is pregnant.

1. Remember that beautiful woman you love? Pregnancy hormones are about to turn her into the devil.

2. If you only have 1 bathroom in your house start practicing your pee pee dance. The bathroom is about to be occupied more often.

3. Be prepared to hold your wifes hair up while she throws up due to morning sickness

What they tell you is most of the time morning sickness isn’t just in the morning IT”S ALL DAY!

4. You’re going to start getting yelled at a lot more than normally, majority of the time, you’ll have no idea why.

5. Pregnant women can’t eat a lot of things (maybe even their FAVORITE things). Her body is going through enough don’t torture her more by eating/drinking these things infront of her.

6. Your nightly job will be to rub cocoa butter on her stomach. Get ready for shiney oiley hands, and that smell seems to never come off.

7. Let me introduce you to Progesterone. That magical hormone that helps maintain a pregnancy, but also turns that beautiful woman into a burping/farting machine.

8. Pregnancy has turned your woman into a bloodhound. She’ll be able to smell anything from far away, and it’ll probably make her nauseaus.

Get your cologne “approved” before putting it on.

9. Pregnant women can’t really carry anything. Hated grocery shopping before? Wait till you have to carry practically EVERY item in.

10. At one point your wifes stomach will get too big for her to pick up stuff from the floor. Be prepared to have to do all the bending.

11. In the beginning she’ll always be sleeping, let her sleep. Towards the end of the pregnancy she’ll probably be so uncomfortable she won’t get a wink of sleep.

12. Did I mention, you’ll probably get yelled at for no reason for 9 months straight?

13. Some women get raging hormones and want to jump on you constantly……. others want absolutely nothing to do with your junk. Get ready to meet Mr. Handy for 9 months.

14. Once she is big enough to develop the “Pregnancy Wobble” she’ll start walking at a snails pace. It gets some getting used to walking next to someone that slow.

15. Most baby kicks are cute, as the baby gets bigger some are painful. Half the time you’re going to think everytime she groans in pain she’s going in the labor.

16. You may think you’re being “caring” but she may get annoyed if you constantly ask her if she’s OK or how she feels.

17. Pregnancy Brain is not a myth. She’ll start doing things or saying things that baffle you.

18. Ultrasounds are amazing, but some of them are ridiculously hard to decipher. When she says “isn’t that beautiful?” or something along those lines, don’t answer her with “What am I looking at?”

19. You’ll geniunely be convinced that she hates you……. and you’re right. Hormones may make her infact hate you for no reason…… but 10 minutes later she’ll love you.

20. She’s going to get stretchmarks. She’ll be very insecure about them. Don’t point them out, don’t mention them.

21. Her nipples….. did you know they change color….. like daily? Another thing, you shouldn’t really mention much.

22. Her clothes are going to stop fitting her, and she’ll have to start wearing maternity clothes……. she may blame all this on you. Accept it.

23. Again, did I mention that she’ll yell at you for everything?

24. Later in the pregnancy she may start waking up at random hours in the night and having difficulty falling back asleep. She’ll get mad at you for being able to sleep, and may just wake you up.

25. You’ll soon start panicking about having to drive to the hospital, if you’ll be home when she starts labor……. don’t let her see you panic.

26. Birthing classes are not that bad……. the video they show you is.

27. She’ll probably get a nice beautiful baby shower…….. you get nothing…….you’ll just get stuck with having to bring everything home.

28. The one question everyone is going to ask is “Are you excited?”……. This will annoy the hell out of both of you.

29. She’s going to cry for no reason. She may get so emotional that she’ll cry tears of joy if you bless her after a sneeze.

30. Even though some moments will suck, you’ll still be there for her throughout it all

31. At the end…. none of it will matter because it will all be worth it.

32. Wait……… did I tell you that she’s probably going to yell at you for no reason?

33. Most pregnant women have probably gotten offended by this list……….

It’s ok we still love you.

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