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Annoying Things You’ll Come Across Riding The NYC Subway

Riding the NYC Subway is interesting, and if you’ve been on the Subway, these are probably the things that bother you.

1. Homeless people sleeping on the seats…

We’ve all had it happen to us, as the train is slowing down you notice the car is pretty empty, you think it’s your lucky day. As the doors open and you step inside the smell of shit overtakes you, now you realize why the train was empty. You have become victim to the “Bum Car”

2. Other people’s body odor…

It’s a warm summer day, a guy steps on the train, raises his arm to hold onto the bar and you almost pass out. At this point you wish it was socially acceptable to carry around spray deodorant and spray people just for moments like this.

3. Guys selling candy on the train…

When you hear “Ladies & Gentleman” you automatically become annoyed. These guys are selling candy to keep themselves out of “trouble” by selling you a pack of fruit snacks for $1.

4. The guys who breakdance on the train…

When did riding the train automatically make you a judge on So You Think You Can Dance? Every time these groups start, you are already expecting one of them to do a back flip and accidentally kick you in the face.

5. People who push themselves onto an already packed train..

Seriously? Like you don’t notice that there’s no room? No it’s ok, I wanted to experience what it’s like to be in a sardine can. These people will then look at you as if you’re the one inconveniencing them. It’s at this time you will be touched in places you didn’t even know you had.

6. The Red Shopping Bag…

It’s a crap shoot at this point at what’s going to be in this bag. It’s either going to be vegetables which is OK, or a bag of fish that are sometimes still flapping. Usually it’ll probably flap against your leg.

7. The face you see after you’ve been beaten for a seat…

She may look old, she may look weak, but if you’re standing in the way of her sitting down on the train she’s going to knock you over. If you attempt to sit down before her there’s a chance she’ll sit on your lap. If she has a little kid with her, she’s going to send that kid on a scouting mission to find a seat. You won’t win, so don’t try.

8. Please Swipe Again…

You’ve had 100 consecutive swipes where your Metrocard worked on the first swipe. On the 101st swipe it’s not going to work, but you’re not going to be expecting it so you anticipate it and keep walking forward only to either A) Almost flip over the turnstile because it didn’t turn or B) Get a shot in the genitals that will guarantee you not being able to have kids.

9. People trying to buy/sell a Metrocard Swipe…

There are drug dealers then there are these guys, they want to sell you a Metrocard Swipe. Yes, I’m sure I made it all the way to the turnstile without having a MetroCard. They get annoyed too when you decline.

10. The person trying to sell you something or convert you to another religion…

It’s a known thing, if someone tries to shake your hand on the train, they want to sell you onto something. When I first started taking the train I actually shook the guys hand I thought maybe he recognized me from something, then he handed me a book and asked me if I was interested….. long story short, if someone reaches out their hand just say “I’m not interested”

11. The person who feels the need to put their headphones at the highest volume…

It’s usually either a song with a constant drum solo or a crazy beat that you can hear. The person playing it seems oblivious but everyone around him is sharing the “We hate this guy stare”

12. The person who feels the need to dance or sing to the songs on their headphones…

It’s usually a crazy love song, or a crazy rap song about stabbing and killing people. If it’s dancing, they’re usually staring at themselves in their reflection making love faces to themselves…

13. People who have make out sessions on the train/platform…

We get it, you love each other…There’s nothing more romantic then making out the train/platform.

14. People who stand too close to you on the platform…

All this platform space, this is where you decide to stop and wait? Might as well hold my hand and sit on my lap once we get in there…

15. People who complain about the train taking too long…

They’ll usually huff and puff or make gestures. If you may eye contact with them they’re going to try and start a conversation with you about the terrible service…

16. Trying to get out of the door in this mess…

Rather than moving to let people out of the train people bear down as if they’re bracing for a Tsunami, it’s at this point where you wish you had an offensive line to help you get off the train…

17. People who tip over when they sleep…

If you can’t sit up straight while taking a nap on the train, then don’t go to sleep. These are the people that usually end up falling into your lap or leaning their head on your shoulder.

18. Subway perverts…

Nothing says romantic like staring at a girl constantly when she has no where to escape…

19. People who bring their bike on the train during Rush Hour…

The train is packed, the doors open and there’s this idiot with their bike. We all think the same thing “Why don’t they just ride the bike home?”

20. Screaming kids on the train…

Sometimes you’ll get kids that ask 9,000 questions, or a kid who sings the ABCs for their entire trip on the train, some kids will just go with the classic screaming. All while their parents just sit there and the passengers look at each other with a shared hate for these children.

21. People who eat on the train…

I get it, we’re a country on the go but seriously can you eat something that doesn’t make the entire train smell like curry or dumplings or some other combination that makes my stomach churn?

22. Loud Talkers…

Do I seriously care what Janet did yesterday in the office? NO!!!

23. Hot/Humid Train Platforms

Would it kill us to get a little bit of ventilation?

24. People who don’t understand the escalator rules

LEFT IS MOVING LANE
RIGHT IS LAZY LANE

25. People who need to look at the map…

You really want to tell them you have a better chance of understanding Egyptian Hieroglyphics than reading that map…

26. People who talk on the phone…

Seriously you can’t text the person?

27. People who spred their legs like the grand canyon…

Do you have the disease that makes your balls the size of basketballs? No? Then close your legs.

28. People who play games with the volume on…

Put headphones on, no one wants to hear this nonsense.

29. People who refuse to hold onto the pole…

I get it, the pole is disgusting but if you’re not going to hold on you better have good balance. It gets annoying watching you almost bust your ass every time the train moves.

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