7 cervical cancer screenings in India 3 months of antiretroviral drugs for 1 child with HIV/AIDS in Ghana One year of subsidized birth control for 19 women who request it through DKT International 1 trauma-counseling group session for 15 former child soldiers in Columbia malaria medicine for 38 kids in Nigeria Protect 1 child from diphtheria, pertussis, tetanus, polio, measles, childhood tuberculosis, hepatitis B, Haemophilus influenzae type b, and Vitamin A deficiency through UNICEF Give one high school girl safe transportation to and from school for six months in Malawi One year of school lunches for one kid in Niger or Tanzania 1 year of room and board for one college student in The Democratic Republic of the Congo Enough misoprostol to stop post-childbirth hemorrhages in 25 women in Tanzania And me being the buzzkill who's totally bumming you out costs absolutely nothing.

I'd be enjoying this post a lot more if I were high right now.

Even uglier on the inside than they are on the outside, which is quite a feat.

I'd like to know more about why Anderson is carrying around giant tubs of jello? It was hot, and he was hungry.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Where's the button for “none of this resonates with me at all” that isn't as mean as clicking “fail”?