Good news: You’ve inherited your dad’s never ending patience and he’ll do anything for you. Bad news: The rest of your family are batshit crazy.
Your dad loves you, of that there’s no doubt. Unfortunately he’ll kill a lot of people and then say he did it all for you, which is a bit of a bummer.
You’ve inherited your father’s loyalty, and you’ve got a LOT of new siblings to play with. However as you were born out of wedlock you’ll be labelled a bastard for the rest of your days and then get shot by a redhead with a bow and arrow.
Tim “The Toolman” Taylor
If you like building cars this is good news. If not, you’re probably best going next door and hanging out with his neighbour, Wilson. Now THAT guy knows his shit.
Your dad is such a good dad that he’s an even better dad to kids whose own dads are rubbish dads.
Never was there a man as loyal as your dad, and if that wasn’t good enough his wife is some sort of super assassin. Your “uncle” Sherlock is a bit of an odd one, though.
The kind of dad who tries to act like he’s your age but always comes up slightly short. Also, you definitely got your fear of clowns from him.
You win, basically. He has an amazing house and an amazing family and is an amazing lawyer. You, therefore, are amazing.
Don’t expect too much time or affection or love or… anything, basically. But when you’re old enough he’ll show you a damn good time. So there’s that.