19 Problems Only People Who Don’t Eat Cheese Will Understand

No, I don’t eat cheese. Yes, that includes pizza.

Hi. My name’s Robin, and I hate cheese. Here’s why.

1. For a start, cheese is EVERYWHERE. Like in your burgers.

2. And your sandwiches.

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3. Some fool even decided to put it in your cake.

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4. So then you basically have to spend your life asking for food without cheese.

5. Which is never not awkward.

6. Because when people find out you don’t eat cheese they get mean.

7. As it turns out, everyone else really likes cheese.

8. But on the whole they’re really supportive.

9. And just want to know more about why you don’t like it.

10. Then comes, “OK, so you don’t like cheese, but you like pizza. Right?!”

Umm, well, I would, except… IT’S GOT CHEESE ON IT!!!!!! (And for the record, pizza without cheese isn’t really pizza.)

11. At this point you are usually told to sit at another table. But hey, at least your arteries are clean as a whistle.

12. I mean, it’s easy to see why they’re so angry. Cheese looks so appetizing.

13. And yeah, maybe this does look like a sea horse, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s cheese squeezed from a can.

Grim.

14. As we’ve established, people who love cheese REALLY love cheese.

15. They also, apparently, love cheesy puns.

16. HAHAHAHAHA fuck off.

17. Even cheese itself is a bit of a dick.

18. And as if heart disease and cancer wasn’t bad enough, it also hates your knives.

19. We’ll let James Joyce have the final word.

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