Scott Lee Cohen

Are you guys ready to meet your new favorite Democratic nominee for lieutenant governor in Illinois?! Scott Lee Cohen, a pawnbroker, was arrested in 2005 for (allegedly!) sticking a knife to the neck of his 24-year old drunk prostitute girlfriend and bopping her head against the wall. Cohen played the whole prostitute thing blind, saying he thought she was a “massage therapist,” which is pretty much the go-to excuse for prostitutes. This is fun because just last Tuesday he won the nomination in a surprise victory soooo, Gov. Quinn’s all like, “Great.”

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