21 Stages Everyone Goes Through At Supermarket Checkouts

You may have finished your shopping, but the nightmare has only just begun…

1. The almost paralysing indecision you experience when trying to choose which aisle to use.

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2. The start of your irrational hatred and anger is aimed at the idiot trying to take their trolley to the basket-only aisle.

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3. You immediately become impatient at the speed of your queue.

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4. But find brief relief when you spy all the stuff the lovely supermarket staff have put near the checkouts.

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5. It’s not long though before you go back to being obsessed with getting your groceries on the conveyor belt as quickly as possible.

6. At some point you consider binning the whole idea, dropping your shopping in the middle of the store and going to sit down in a dark room.

7. All you want to do is reach the promised land.

8. You start thinking horrible, violent thoughts about the people in front of you taking too long to pack their bags.

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9. And the fucking twats who insist on talking on their phones while at the checkout. IT’S TAKING YOU TWICE AS LONG AS IT SHOULD!

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10. People trying to use the exact change and money-off vouchers are also your sworn enemies.

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11. And then something truly horrific happens, you suddenly realise you’ve forgotten a part of your shopping and can’t decide whether to leave the queue to get it.

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12. You decide to leave it and then… utter joy, you reach the start of the conveyor belt.

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13. You immediately get suspicious when the checkout assistant is friendly.

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14. Or irrationally pissed off when they are grumpy. RUDE!

15. Then comes the worst part of the whole experience – trying to open the carrier bags.

16. You can’t open them, everyone is watching, you have become your own worst enemy, everything is bad.

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17. You get oversensitive at the horrible mean people judging you for being so slow.

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18. But then – “I OPENED A BAG!”

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19. The real fun finally begins as you race to pack your bags in the fastest time ever.

20. And after you’ve paid you quickly make your way to the exit to celebrate your freedom.

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21. But you will always be haunted by the horror that is the supermarket checkout.

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