1. You motivate yourself to get out of bed with the mantra “first in, last out.”
2. And you find it hilarious* when your friends complain about their 9 a.m. jobs.
*Infuriating. Ridiculous. Inexcusable. Inexplicable. Really just fucking absurd.
3. You’ve timed your commute down to the last second so you know exactly which subway car to get in.
4. Because riding the infernal NYC subway in the summertime IN A SUIT is your version of hell.
5. For most people, whiskey is an acquired taste. For you, it’s a required taste.
8. But even then, you dream fitfully about mislabeling Excel sheets and subsequently getting fired.
9. You can’t remember the last time you paid for your own dinner.
This is you at 8pm everyday.
10. And you know exactly what you can get for $25 from every restaurant in a 2-mile radius.
Even though you’ve never actually been to any of them.
11. Seriously, company-expensed Seamless.com meals have you bursting at the seams.
13. And, obviously, “Suit & Tie” is your summer anthem.
The trading floor, of course.
14. You’re the only one of your friends who carries around a Blackberry despite it being 2013.
(In addition to your black caseless iPhone 5.)