1. “You’re sooo lucky. You get to do whatever you want all day.”
Yes, in particular my favorite pastime is wallowing in my profound lack of human contact.
2. “It must be amaaaazing being your own boss.”
Totally. It’s less amazing being my own janitor, office manager, secretary, mailman, and sole colleague.
3. “Do you nap and sleep in late all the time?”
NO NEVER I’M A SERIOUS PROFESSIONAL. All right, maybe once in a while.
4. “I wish I could work from my bed.”
OK. Do you also wish you could be so rattled by ennui that you start talking to your pillows?
5. “I’m so jealous that you get to work in your PJs.”
And I’m so jealous you have any motivation to keep up your personal grooming habits. *Braids leg hair*
6. “What do you do with all your free time?”
No, I think you’re confused. I don’t have less work. I just do it someplace else.
7. “So, when are you getting a real job?”
No, again, I don’t think you… *Sigh* Never mind.
8. “I wish I could work with my pets around.”
Trust me, I wish I could too.
9. “It must get lonely, huh.”
Wow. Your Nobel Prize for psychology must be on its way.
10. “Hey, since you’re free all day, could you do me a favor and [insert random errand from which you stand nothing to gain].”
11. “You’re probably so productive since you don’t have any distractions.”
Please, tell me. What is it like to live unaware of the existence of television and the World Wide Web?
12. “Where do you have meetings? Your living room? Hahahahahahahaha!”
13. “Do you ever miss being in a real office environment?”
Did it hurt when they surgically removed the part of your brain that’s responsible for tact and subtlety?
14. “When you say ‘working from home’ you really mean chilling, right?”
Sssshhhh! I’m trying to keep it secret that I have a team of house elves who come over and do my job for me!
15. “At least you don’t have to deal with a commute.”
Um. How do you think I get back and forth from my fridge to my chair 50 times a day?
16. “You should be glad you don’t have to deal with annoying co-workers all day.”
I do, though. Unless we aren’t counting the voices in my head.
17. “So cool. Every day’s like the weekend for you.”
No, no. On weekends I sit on the same couch I do every day, but with renewed purpose and vigor.
18. “Do you have an awesome work station set up at home?”
Uhhh…Yes…Totally… I do. Yup.