1. They have hundreds of friends and active social lives. You have Netflix.
2. Their musical taste is sophisticated and unquestionably cool. You've got Ke$ha on repeat.
3. And they look much cooler listening to it than you do with your iPhone.
4. Their dance moves are inspired by the golden era of dance. Yours are an embarrassment to culture as a whole.
5. While you schlep around in bizarre clothing that should be burned, they have impeccable fashion sense.
6. They routinely go on amazing, exciting vacations... While you're home with your cats and your lameness.
7. They're invited to more parties than you ever will be.
8. And, at those parties, they rage longer and harder than you're capable of.
9. (It doesn't hurt that they can afford better alcohol than the shameful $4 pink champagne that you drink.)
10. They always know about relevant cultural happenings before you do.
11. When your friends come over, they're more excited to hang out with your parents than with you.
12. Your family always won at Halloween... Because your parents are brilliant, and you're a good prop.
13. They'd never hate on you for being goofy. They'd rather be goofin' with you.
14. They're firm proponents of letting you be you... Whoever that is.
15. When you find old pictures of your folks, you realize you're much lamer than they were at your age.
16. They were hipsters and scene kids without trying to be, and they kinda still are.
17. They're always using cool new slang months before you get to it.
18. They have fun, exciting hobbies and talents. Your talent is eating Cheetos and being a loser.
19. You get away with a lot more than you expect to get away with.
20. Because they know exactly when to draw the line, and even when you're a dumbass, they've got your back.
21. You were never embarrassed about being seen with your folks, because they fit right in.
22. They use their badass-ness to defend you fiercely at every opportunity.
23. You're glad to have had them to up your street cred your entire life.
24. And hey, if all goes well, you have a lot to look forward to.
