39 Unexpected Effects Of Your Ivy League Education

Your superiority complex is rivaled only by your self-loathing.

1. You live in constant fear of being that person.

You mumble and change the topic when anyone asks where you went to school.

ID: 1375117

2. So you never wear school merch in public.

ID: 1376755

3. Your friends all became investment bankers, lawyers, doctors, or academics.

It broke your heart when 80% of your “idealistic” liberal arts friends ended up working for Wall Street.

ID: 1375566

4. And if they couldn’t pick one, they did Teach For America.

ID: 1376586

5. You’re constantly asked to check your privilege, usually by your own conscience.

ID: 1375185

6. The country’s future isn’t the only thing at stake during the presidential race. Your school pride is too.

ID: 1375151

7. You accidentally referenced Nietzsche in casual conversation once… Then you stayed up all night drowning in self-loathing.

ID: 1375211

8. You have high hopes for your future kids’ college choices. Problematic as it is, legacy babies have no excuses, right?

ID: 1375371

9. Speaking of which:

ID: 1375473

10. You have an opinion on the Exeter vs. Andover battle, even if you didn’t go to either.

ID: 1375273

11. You’ve developed a deep resentment for most major publications’ opinion sections.

Because they’ve made so many generalizations about your alma mater.

ID: 1375028

12. When Jay Z and Beyoncé named their kid Blue Ivy, all you wanted to know was whether they meant Yale or Columbia.

That’s the crown from the Columbia emblem, right? RIGHT?

ID: 1375396

13. You really wish you knew what it was like to go to a school where football was a real thing.

Via rd.com
ID: 1375413

14. You consider UPenn the craziest “party school” and Brown the quintessential “stoner school” even though, objectively speaking, you’re wrong.

ID: 1375441

15. And Dartmouth was quietly, inconspicuously out-drinking everyone.

ID: 1383373

16. Gossip Girl made you want to scream because it got so many things wrong about your campus life.

For instance, Serena wouldn’t get into either Brown or Columbia. Come on.

ID: 1375460

17. People assume you’re much smarter than you are.

ID: 1375472

18. When in reality, you felt pretty smart before college but have felt like a dumbass since.

Because you were surrounded by future Nobel laureates and taught by current ones.

ID: 1375561

19. You’ve unwittingly partied with at least one royal next-in-line at some point.

ID: 1375583

20. Every time you meet someone successful, you try to guess which secret society they’re in.

ID: 1376555

21. You know someone who knows someone who once lent a pen to Emma Watson.

Or James Franco.

ID: 1376740

22. Much to your dismay, your hookup pillow talk could turn to the examination of unjust societal paradigms at any moment.

ID: 1376597

23. Despite your best efforts, you still think throwing on a blazer can solve all your problems.

ID: 1376751

24. Your acceptance letter is stashed in a shoebox under your bed and is your parents’ most prized possession.

ID: 1377679

25. Everyone on your freshman floor was student council president in high school.

Or valedictorian. Or both. Probably both.

ID: 1376759

26. You never realized having an internship (or eight) was optional so your résumé looks like a laundry list.

ID: 1376760

27. You know who Suzy Lee Weiss is and you have some choice words for her.

For starters: What were you thinking?

ID: 1376761

28. You drink way more than you should on the night that Phi Beta Kappa’s list is announced.

Either in celebration… Or not.

ID: 1376767

29. You could write a dissertation comparing the effects of RedBull with those of 5-Hour Energy.

ID: 1376769

30. You spent all of your senior year hoping the POTUS would be your commencement speaker.

Should’ve gone to Barnard, huh?

ID: 1376771

31. And you still keep tabs on who headlines every Ivy’s spring concert. Yale usually wins.

ID: 1383361

32. When you run into old friends, you immediately start competing over who got the least sleep the previous night.

Old habits die hard.

ID: 1376772

33. Sunrises aren’t special. On the contrary, they give you hellish flashbacks to finals week.

ID: 1376776

34. In fact, thinking about college in any capacity fills you with a mixture of joy and PTSD.

ID: 1376778

35. And makes you grapple endlessly with notions of elitism and privilege.

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36. Because after college, you realized that many of the smartest people you know went to colleges you’d never heard of, or never graduated college at all.

ID: 1381237

37. And at the end of the day, you know that you just got really, really, really lucky.

ID: 1376781

38. So you’ll always be grateful for those four years of being pushed to your limits.

ID: 1376782

39. And you’ll always be humbled by the terrifyingly intelligent friends you made along the way.

ID: 1376790

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