1. You can’t own carpets unless you have two hours free every night to vacuum hairballs.
2. You can’t predict how your hair is going to look. All you can do is shower and keep your fingers crossed.
4. You can’t walk around in rain or snow unless you’re ready to spend the rest of the day looking like Marge Simpson.
5. You can’t wear hats or hoodies because they either flatten your incorrigible locks…
7. You can’t get your hair cut at cheap, generic hair salons. Only experts can handle your situation.
8. You can’t wear cute hair accessories because you’re always losing them. In your hair.
9. And if you happen to find them, they certainly won’t be in one piece.
10. Can’t be the little spoon unless you want to suffocate the big spoon to death.
13. You can’t run your hands through your hair without getting stuck and ruining everything.
14. Wanna save money by skipping conditioner? Can’t. Also, while you’re out, grab some mousse, some gel, some serum, and a diffuser.
15. You can’t get your friends to stop playing with your hair…
16. And, more annoyingly, you can’t get strangers to stop trying. Seriously. Stop. No. I hate you.
17. You can’t figure out what to say when people ask you if you got a perm.
Or when they say any of these things.