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14 Questions You Should Never Ask A Tamilian

“Can you teach me the lungi dance?” *RAGE*

1. “Does it get boring eating idlis and dosas everyday?”

*Licks thayir saadam dripping down arm* Nope, no complaints.

2. “So are you like a huuuuge Rajni fan?”

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Shit, sorry, what was the question? I fell asleep because of your boring-ass assumptions.

3. “Can you teach me how to tie a lungi?”

Yes, yes, let me just whip out my handy portably pocket-lungi that I carry around for situations like this one.

4. “Oooooh or can you teach me the lungi dance??”

Oh, that amazing dance invented by Bollywood in a movie full of grossly exaggerated stereotypes? Yes, I grew up doing it!

5. “Ooooh, you’re Madrasi? Are you from Kerala?”

Well, since Amma purchased every South Indian state and combined them all into one glob to make regional generalizations easier for North Indians, yes. *Throws geography textbook at your head*

6. “How come your English is so good?”

See, shocking as it is, South India is a part of India so we were also colonized by the same… Never mind.

7. “Can you teach me something in Tamil?”

Neengu oru dumbfuck.

8. “Are you a Tam-Brahm?”

*Goes to Mylapore temple and prays for your enlightenment*

9. “Do you have to wear coconut oil?”

Yes, by state mandate. Do you have to be ignorant?

10. “How come South Indians are darker?”

How come you’re more shade-ist?

11. Alternatively: “But if you’re South Indian, why are you so fair?”

When you get to know me, you’ll learn that I’m also lovely ;)

12. “Do you always have to wear flowers in your hair?”

Yes, actually. They create a force-field that protects us from people like you.

13. “How do you understand Tamil? It’s all like gudu-budu-ludu-kudu-mudu.”

OK, please teach me how to say “that’s offensive” in a language you’re more comfortable with.

14. “And why does everything in Tamil sound sooo angry?”

BECAUSE WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IDIOTS LIKE YOU ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE THIS. ANYTHING ELSE?

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