1. The only thing that holds your interest in any gym is the TV.
2. And the only machine you know how to work is the vending machine.
3. When you try anything else, you leave a trail of destruction behind you.
4. You hate the smell and the feel and everything about sweat.
6. Five minutes into your attempted work-out, you feel pretty ready to stop.
7. Being around fit people doesn’t make you motivated. It makes you hungry.
8. The sound of people grunting as they lift things is your own personal hell.
9. You’re almost fairly certain you can achieve the same results with less suffering.
10. Nothing in the world could convince you to shower more than once a day.
11. You don’t really understand what a “calorie” is and how to count them and where they go.
12. The concept of running constantly and staying in the same spot sounds fairly insane to you.
13. And waking up any earlier than you absolutely have to is literally unthinkable.
14. Machines that have been used and are covered in other people’s sweat are actually disgusting.
15. And naked people in locker rooms, putting their bare butts all over everything = kill me now.
16. The music that gyms play is, universally, the worst music in the world.
17. Everyone else seems to know what they’re doing AND looks good doing it, so your self-esteem does this:
18. And, of course, when you make eye-contact with that super cutie, you look like this:
19. Laundry is the worst of all chores, and going to the gym means double the laundry:
20. When you do motivate yourself to get your ass to a gym, every machine is taken and you end up just sitting around in poky gym clothes.
You’ve never seen this ^