1. Mingle with the locals.
Behold: a redneck youth engaged in a traditional warming ritual.
2. Enjoy one of their many fine water parks.
“Six Flags” automatically becomes “the muddin’ pit over yonder” about twenty miles into Alabama.
3. Go for an early morning soak.
Rednecks know how to beat the heat.
4. Or partake in an energizing aerobics class.
Didn’t you know? The best way to open your heart chakra is by smashing a pick-up straight into it.
5. Spend some time on the dance floor.
A redneck dance floor is a lot like quicksand: the more you struggle, the deeper you sink.
6. Experience the wildlife.
WELCOME TO LOUISIANA, WHERE THE FISH ARE JUST REALLY EXCITED TO MEET YOU RIGHT NOW.
7. And let the wildlife experience you.
We never forget the one that got away ;(
8. But take time to taste the local delicacies…
Bobbin’ fer pigs’ feet. Bet you don’t have that in New York City.
9. …prepared with state-of-the-art redneck ingenuity.
Never — never — underestimate the untamed creativity of redneck engineering.
11. And reach for the sky.
Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.