13 Unfortunate Truths About Thanksgiving

Bring on the inevitable turkey blues.

1. If you have a layover at O’Hare, you will get stuck.

2. You will not wake up in time for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

3. No one will like your sister’s new “boyfriend.”

4. The dog will eat whatever dish you were most excited about.

5. You will have to explain to your aunt Patty why you’re still not married. Again.

6. Your fun uncle’s deep-fried turkey won’t turn out as planned.

7. You will end up doing the dishes.

8. Leftovers will be stored in obnoxiously large or obnoxiously small Tupperware containers.

9. Jerry Jones will make you feel poor.

10. Your grandparents will not understand your internet job.

11. “Tryptophan” will come up in small talk.

12. You will run into old high school classmates. It will be just as awkward as high school.

13. Taking the whole week off sounded like a good idea. You will get bored.

You will wonder why you’re eating turkey (and why your cousin Avery is eating Tofurkey).

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