• Chapter 1

    “She says that she is ivory skinned, which is not something I’ve ever heard a teenager say.”

  • Chapter 2

    “The next day was better. And worse.”

  • Chapters 3-4

    The best part of this is the Levitra pen demo at the beginning.

  • Chapters 5-6

    “Who the f*ck is Lauren?”

  • Chapter 7

    “How do you eat breakfast cheerily?”

  • Chapters 8-9

    “If you’ve just joining us what’s happened so far is that a forgettable protagonist has a crush on a boy who’s a vampire and a recent summary is that she’s going shopping with some girls.”

  • Chapters 10-11

    “And what happens is, they put the film on and turn the lights on and Bella is like ‘Holy sh*t, I’m in the dark with Edward Cullen’ …and she just gets horny.”

  • Chapter 12

    “There’s a subplot in which Bella is making a sandwich and quite a lot of the chapter is dedicated to that.”

  • Chapter 13

    “I wonder how many people have masturbated to this chapter…”

  • Chapter 14

    In which Edward stalks and threatens Bella…with love!

  • Chapter 15

    “Now we’ve had this problem a few times with Stephanie Meyer + science = wrong…”

  • Chapter 17 - 18

    In which Alex tests his theory that a chapter can be skipped and the book will still make sense. (It does.)

  • Chapter 19

    “So apparently it’s not just Edward. Bella is like catnip for vampires.” Also, the most romantic kiss ever described in literature.

  • Chapters 20-22

    “Do you remember Jacob? He was in the book earlier — he was just a normal guy. I think she should get with him. Cuz he’s just a normal guy.”

  • That’s all for now. Subscribe to Alex’s YouTube channel to be updated when he reads the next chapter.