1. Main photo is literally your wedding picture.
DUDE. You are very clearly married so why are you still on Tinder? Don’t be a Chuck Bass.
2. You claim to be looking for your Tinderella.
You and everyone else, pal. Creativity will get you far. I promise!
3. You don’t have a beard.
I mean… Real men have beards. This could just be me, though. Never mind. I looked at Adam Levine again. Grow a beard.
5. You have a child.
You’re hot. Your kid is adorable. That’s just not something I’m ready for.
6. Our only shared interests are Jersey Shore related.
You do you, bro.
7. Three words: Mirror. Shot. Selfie.
Step away from the mirror. Put the phone down. No one gets hurt.
9. Every single one of your photos is with a group of girls.
Key words being only and me.
11. We have 87 shared friends and yet, I’ve never seen you before ever in my life.
But, really. Are you?