12 Reasons I Will “Nope” You On Tinder

It’s pretty much a scientific fact that girls will “like” 1 in 100 guys they encounter on the popular dating app, Tinder. Guys like everyone. Disclaimer: these aren’t real facts but here are some of the reasons why your Tinder profile hasn’t led to love (or some version of love) yet.

1. Main photo is literally your wedding picture.

DUDE. You are very clearly married so why are you still on Tinder? Don’t be a Chuck Bass.

2. You claim to be looking for your Tinderella.

You and everyone else, pal. Creativity will get you far. I promise!

3. You don’t have a beard.

I mean… Real men have beards. This could just be me, though. Never mind. I looked at Adam Levine again. Grow a beard.

4. You are a child.

Stop it, Harry. I know you’re only 12.

5. You have a child.

You’re hot. Your kid is adorable. That’s just not something I’m ready for.

6. Our only shared interests are Jersey Shore related.

You do you, bro.

7. Three words: Mirror. Shot. Selfie.

Step away from the mirror. Put the phone down. No one gets hurt.

8. You are 49 miles away.

So close and yet, so far.

9. Every single one of your photos is with a group of girls.

Key words being only and me.

10. You like hiking.

I actually, physically, cannot.

11. We have 87 shared friends and yet, I’ve never seen you before ever in my life.

But, really. Are you?

12. You are a model.

I cannot form a sentence around you.

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