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What Hipster Guys Actually Need

If you aren’t wanting to be ironic, anti-anti-cool, or the most esoteric person on your block, do not click on these. Do. Not.

1. Etsy is considered the online mecca for hipster shopping, and it should be since you can get items like this there:

Find it here, if you must.

But many other online stores offer plenty of hipstery goodness. Here is a list of super hipster things that, ironically, don’t come from Etsy and let you avoid the possible medical issues that could come from buying vintage. Having crabs is not (necessarily) a prerequisite for being a hipster.

3. Let’s start with the basics: Underwear. Vintage is not quite the word. These are brand new, still in the package until you take them out and use them to cover your package. (Sometimes false advertising is okay!)

Perhaps you need your nether-regions covered

4. Of course you are also going to need socks. No self-respecting scenester wants to just put on mere feet coverings. At HappySocks we find socks that look like the upholstery on an old chair your grandmother used to own. Perfect.

Get happy, but not too happy.

5. Obviously it is time for a shirt so you can keep your tattoos out of the sun as you ride your fixie around Brooklyn. There’s actually some incredible photography of ‘wearable art’ on this site, but nothing says hipster like an empty roll of toilet paper.

Don’t get caught with your pants down

6. Men’s Bicycle Commuter Pedal Pusher Capris. That’s a thing.

Of course you can have ankle breeze. You’re not an animal.

7. You will obviously need to found your wardrobe with a statement that says convict/1920s bather/Wicked Witch. Plus, you don’t want to waste precious time tying your shoes when there’s plenty of 78rpm records to play.

Make your feet into an optical illusion

8. Hipsters have formal events, right? I mean, you don’t want to show too much excitement or anything, but since only 17 people have worn bowties since the Coolidge Administration, then you MUST have one.

COOLidge. Get it?

9. Where do you put your handcrank telephone? Why in a bag made of bicycle innertubes, of course.

Bag it up.

10. Now you are dressed, but you are stuck at home with no way to get to the 45 minute wait for overpriced coffee (they ‘draw’ something in the foam. It’s cool. Not cool. I mean… wait…).

Travel in style.

11. You are all set… except for one thing. No worries though, we have got you covered.

Generic is hip. Didn’t you know?

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