26. Si and Am, Lady and the Tramp
These two are racist caricatures perpetrating awful stereotypes in an otherwise timeless movie. Plus, they tried to endanger a baby. A baby. Go back to your basket.
25. Boring Knights, Frozen
Boring Frozen Knights are Boring.
24. Stabbington Brothers, Tangled
Stabbington? We get it. You’re evil, and …stabby. A bit on the nose, fellas. Next.
23. Lawrence, The Princess And The Frog
Having to resort to transfiguration to get the girl is totally creepy and not at all effective. Lawrence is a waste of space.
22. Sir Hiss, Robin Hood
Sir Hiss is the sorry result of Robin Hood’s notorious footage-recycling, and is ultimately just Kaa in a jaunty chapeau. -10 points for Slytherin.
21. Felicia, The Great Mouse Detective
What kind of cat is a rat’s pet? I thought the Mickey-Pluto power dynamic was messed enough. Not a fan.
20. Wiggins, Pocahontas
When you’re giving your abusive boss’s spoiled pug a bubble bath, you have to reevaluate your life choices.
19. Percy, Pocahontas
The pug in question, however, turns out to be pretty darn cute. Meeko and Percy should have a buddy cop series on FX or something.
18. Lucifer, Cinderella
Chin up, Lucifer. At least you fared better than the other cats on this list. Anyone who tries to hurt Jaq and Gus earns both my fear and respect.
17. Brutus and Nero, The Rescuers
Like Lucifer, these crocs are trailblazers on the evil pet scene. Also, how cool are pet crocodiles? So cool, that’s how cool.
16. LeFou, Beauty and the Beast
Firstly, let’s address that LeFou’s name literally means The Fool. And it’s one thing for a henchman to admire and respect their boss - it’s basically the only rule in the henchman book - but LeFou’s gotta find a man who treats him right. Quit foolin’.
15. Nathaniel, Enchanted
Props to Nathaniel for channeling years of henchman anguish and abuse into a bestseller! In Enchanted, Wormtail turned out to be the Lauren Weisberger of henchmen, and that’s pretty cool. Plus, he’s the only live-action baddie on this list.
14. Joanna the Goanna, The Rescuers Down Under
Confession Time: I’ve never actually seen The Rescuers Down Under, but all the points in the world for her awesome rhyming name. Plus, now I know what a Goanna is.
13. Flotsam and Jetsam, The Little Mermaid
Eels are like electric water-snakes, which makes them way scarier than regular snakes (looking at you, Sir Hiss). These guys share their names with two of the more boring Neopet breeds, which is unfortunate, but they’re the Gretchen and Karen to Ursula’s Regina, which is great.
12. The Huntsman, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
You had ONE JOB. This guy puts the Hunt in Hunty. But bonus points for being the original henchman, and for his Once Upon a Time iteration, Sheriff McShadesofGrey
11. Tiny, Meet The Robinsons
We all know he was the best thing about Meet the Robinsons. He carried the whole thing on his little arms.
10. Pain and Panic, Hercules
Totally hilarious, have awesome shapeshifting powers, and appreciate good Herc merch when they see it. The Imps are Alright.
9. Jasper and Horace, 101 Dalamations
As henchmen to London’s most unstable fashionista, it makes sense that these two knew how to work a turtleneck and newsboy cap.
8. The Evil Stepsisters, Cinderella
Poor Drizella and Anastasia. They’re obviously pretty messed-up from Lady Tremaine’s Joan Crawford-level mommying. At least they didn’t have it as bad as their Brothers Grimm counterparts, who ended up with their feet sawn off and eyes gouged out by birds. Ah, the joy of fairytales.
7. Smee, Peter Pan
Mr. Smee’s the only henchman on the list to also boast the title of First Mate! Good for you, Smee! This guy can swashbuckle and row and rock a beanie, and holds his own amongst bigger, burlier sea-farin’ folk. Smee’s an absolute treasure and I won’t hear otherwise.
6. Iago, Aladdin
Probably the only reason why any 90’s kid knows who Gilbert Gottfried is (whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing is up to you). For what it’s worth, Iago’s one-liner game is on point, and he’s got an awesome Shakespearean name.
5. Alpha, Up
Equal parts threatening and silly. This is some Grade-A henching right here.
4. Lafayette, The Aristocats
A basset hound that rides in a sidecar. A basset hound. That rides. In a sidecar. It doesn’t get any better than that, folks.
3. Shenzi, Banzai and Ed, The Lion King
While Scar may be the master of emotional manipulation, his hyenas clearly did a ton of the heavy lifting, and by the end of the film, these three got the last laugh. It should also be mentioned that Whoopi Goldberg and Cheech Marin (from Cheech and Chong) do the voices of Shenzi and Banzai, with Jim Cummings (Winnie the Pooh!) doing…whatever it is that Ed does. Talent!
2. Magic Mirror, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
If the Magic Mirror didn’t freak you out as a kid, you’re either soulless or lying. He’s creepy and haunting and the worst…which makes him the best.
1. Kronk, The Emperors New Groove
Kronk may be Disney’s most underrated bachelor. He’s loyal, good with kids, and even better with squirrels. Plus, he bakes. 10/10 would hench.
Honorable mention: Shego, Kim Possible
Ok, so she may not have actually been in a Disney feature film, but Shego is nothing if not a rule breaker. We all know Shego is the fiercest, and that she was both the brains and brawn of Drakken’s whole shady operation. She does the whole Green Lantern look better than Green Lantern. Her sass levels are radioactive. Who Run the World? Shego.