Do You Eat Your Age?

Research suggests that at least 65% of functional adults secretly have the eating habits of a stoned teenager. Are you the exception to the rule?

    1. Don’t care as long as it comes on a bagel.
    2. I’m gonna have to ask my hangover.
    3. Oatmeal with a banana.
    4. Coffee = breakfast.
    5. A smoothie, the more kale the better.
    6. Cereal.
    1. It’s called Two Buck Chuck.
    2. Wine is a last resort. Vodka works better.
    3. I’m not shelling out more than $10.
    4. $15 if it’s for me, $10 if it’s for a party.
    5. $15 if it’s for me, $20 if it’s for a party.
    6. $25 or more, ain’t no thing.
    1. Only complaint is how much room it’s constantly taking up in my fridge.
    2. ICK. GROSS. STOP.
    3. Where did it come from? What happened to spinach?
    4. Depends. Can you smoke it?
    5. Good, because I know it’s good for me.
    6. I love it deeply. I’ve never felt this way about a leaf before.
    1. Brush it off and eat it.
    2. Throw it out.
    3. Feel deeply sad about it.
    4. Eat it as is. Dirt is healthy.
    5. Leave it for someone else to deal with.
    6. Whistle for your dog to come eat it.
    1. Alert the authorities.
    2. Politely decline because you’re trying to eat healthy.
    3. Politely decline because you have dinner plans.
    4. Establish their motives, then eat it.
    5. Eat first, ask questions later.
    1. An earthy glass of red or a white with strong minerality.
    2. Officer, I swear someone else filled my Big Gulp with vodka.
    3. Bourbon. Bourbon for life.
    5. Whatever the cheapest beer is.
    6. A nice cocktail (but not TOO nice, I have a budget).
    1. Well, I can always chew a TUMs.
    2. Maybe just one bite.
    3. If it’s late and I’m drunk, sure.
    4. I have a local favorite.
    5. GIVE IT TO ME.
    6. Not so sure about that. What exactly is on it?
    1. Undiscovered, amazing, and stay that way.
    2. The cheaper the better.
    3. As long as they have pizza or pasta, I’m happy.
    4. Cool enough to Instagram-brag about.
    5. Take reservations and be quiet enough that I can actually hear what you’re saying.
    6. Preferably not more than 5 blocks from my home.
    1. Today.
    2. A few days ago.
    3. Last week.
    4. Last month.
    5. Last year?
    6. I have no idea.
    1. Meh. I’d rather have real food.
    2. Awesome for about 15 minutes, then slightly ill.
    3. Safe. Loved. Deeply happy.
    4. Prettay, prettay good.
    6. A hell of a lot better than the sucker who’s eating them.
    1. Extremely over it. Was never into it.
    2. Cro-what?
    3. OoooOOoooh, gimme, I want.
    4. I’ll eat six of them if you bring them to me.
    5. Meh?
    6. I’ve never loved a pastry this way before.
    1. I make blueberry pancakes and no one appreciates it.
    2. Bottomless mimosas mandatory.
    3. I wake up and eat the first thing that comes near my face.
    4. Some combination of eggs, avocados, and toast.
    5. A beautiful moment between me and my favorite bagel shop.
    6. Fine for people who don’t appreciate sleep enough.
ID: 2343729

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