20. Chicken Pot Pie
Granting chicken pot pie a place on this list is purely a polite gesture. It’s not like meat pies can’t be delicious, but they’re just not in the same league as a true dessert pie.
19. Grasshopper Pie
The name’s a little gross, and the color’s a little creepy. Not among the top pies.
18. Sweet Potato Pie
Will always want to be pumpkin. Will never be pumpkin.
17. Crack Pie
“Is it really a pie?” they asked. They didn’t understand. They weren’t ready to understand.
16. Grape Pie
The grape pie is a nomad and a rebel; it will appear in August or September when the concords are plentiful and the summer wind whispers through the fields, and then it’s gone. Beautiful while it lasts, but it’s no kind of pie to build a life around.
15. Chess Pie
Other pies — flashier pies, pies with fruit and chocolate and fast cars — may come and go. Chess pie will be here waiting, with a quiet confidence in its sweet custard interior. And what’s wrong with that?
14. Blackberry Pie
OR: raspberry. Unmatched for subtlety and acidic balance, but high seed levels can present a textural challenge for novice pie consumers.
13. Coconut Cream Pie
It’s not for everyone, but everyone it’s not for is wrong.
12. Peanut Butter Pie
We need to talk about peanut butter pie more. Why don’t we talk about peanut butter pie ALL THE TIME?
8. Lemon Meringue Pie
If it’s good enough for Amelia Bedelia, it’s good enough for me.
7. Pumpkin Pie
Because Thanksgiving isn’t about turkey. It’s about pumpkin pie.
6. Apple Pie
If you don’t love apple pie, you don’t understand anything about AMERICA.
5. Blueberry Pie
A pie of true elegance and drama. No fruit, perhaps, has quite the stage presence of a blueberry.
2. Peach Pie
A summer not spent eating huge quantities of fresh peach pie is a summer completely and utterly wasted.
1. AND THE NUMBER ONE ALL-TIME CHAMP: (Strawberry) Rhubarb Pie
Are you SHOCKED? Don’t be. This pie is perfect in every way. It’s sweet, it’s tart, it’s pretty, it’s pink, and if you don’t like it that’s just fine because more for me.
The strawberry is technically optional, because rhubarb is super sassy and can totally carry a pie on its own. But are they are a power couple? Yes, they are. A power couple for all time, and for all pies.