1. Stuff it with cupcakes.
No. No, no, no.
This comes to you from the Cupcake Project.
2. Or with Cheez-Its.
This is a great disservice to both the turkey and the Cheez-Its.
3. Or with Twinkies.
Here’s how, if you’re some kind of monster.
5. Brine it in Coolattas and stuff it with Munchkins.
Arrrr, that be the monster they call The TurDunkin’. No man has tasted her and lived to tell the tale.
6. Turn it into a cake.
Things that look like desserts but aren’t desserts deserve their own special circle of Hell.
8. Give it a bikini tan.
9. Or lemon boobs.
There’s something wrong with you if you really want to know how to do this.