1. Electricity-Flavored Vodka
Thanks but I think maybe I’ll go stick my tongue in an outlet instead.
2. Tequila-Flavored Rum
No I will not taste the smooth.
4. Wasabi-Flavored Vodka
Man, and here I thought the unnecessary wasabi craze had ended with mashed potatoes.
9. “Torched Cherry” Rum
Which Bacardi executive walked into the room and was like “I GOT IT GUYS, let’s throw some creepy succulents and burned fruit in there and call it a day”?
10. Froot Loops-Flavored Vodka
Estimates suggest that Three Olives is responsible for 73% of all inexcusable vodka flavors currently in production.
11. Purple-Flavored Vodka
PURPLE IS NOT AND WILL NEVER BE A FLAVOR
12. Cupcake-Flavored Vodka
Equally unacceptable in all 6 available flavors, including “Verry Berry” and “Chiffon.”
13. Donut-Flavored Vodka
No self-respecting donut would want anything to do with this.
14. East Asian-Flavored Gin
It’s not that I wouldn’t drink lemongrass-infused Bombay Sapphire, it’s that everything about the branding effort here seems really culturally reductive and uncomfortable.
16. “Wolf Berry” Rum
Don’t know what a wolfberry is but I really hope it induces this kind of behavior.
19. Wedding Cake-Flavored Vodka
Do not agree to marry anyone who serves you this.
21. “Spiced Root Beer” Vodka
Guess the regular root beer wasn’t spicy enough.