1. George Michael’s Candy Beans:
Don’t you dare call them jelly beans.
2. UNLIMITED JUICE:
Only if you really want your party to be off the hook.
3. Lindsay’s Hot Ham Water:
Step 1: Add water.
Step 2: Add ham.
Or, try this version of Hot Ham Water Soup:
Lindsay would never, but your guests will probably appreciate the extra effort.
4. Corn Balls, brought to you by George Bluth and The Cornballer:
You could burn yourself EVERY DAMN TIME…
Or, you could try this version of Corn Balls:
Made with cornmeal, corn, and jalapeños. And he didn’t even have to go to Mexico for it.
5. Ann’s (Her?) Mayoneggs:
Step 1: Squirt mayonnaise into your mouth.
Step 2: Eat a hard-boiled egg.
I don’t feel so good.
Or maybe, just MAEBY, you can try these deviled eggs instead:
They have mayonnaise in them, too, but Ann would likely never eat a deviled egg solely out of principle. So I guess mayoneggs are here to stay.
6. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, because Buster is expecting them, and your guests probably are, too…
…so make them some!
Try one of these “40 Amazing Grilled Cheese Sandwich Recipes!”
Or hey, make them all. You have 15 episodes to get through, and you know those mayoneggs probably won’t sit well.
7. Carl Weathers’ Stew:
Step 1: Throw bone in pot (trust Carl, there’s still plenty of meat on that bone.)
Step 2: Add broth.
Step 3: Add a potato.
It’s like everyone on Arrested Development has cooking down to 3-step-or-less science.
Or try this ultra deluxe version of Carl Weathers’ Stew:
Loaded with chicken, sweet potatoes, coconut milk, and curry.
Make it. Eat it. You could be just two adults, gettin’ a stew on, man.
8. Mrs. Featherbottom’s (or Tobias Fünke’s) “Banger in the Mouth”:
So, pretty much, just…put a sausage in your mouth.
Or, try Bangers and Mash by Ina Garten:
Or, just stick some tooth picks in some Vienna sausages and mash some potatoes and call it a day.
(Sorry UK-ers. I know.)
9. Bluth’s Banana Jail Bars:
Low carb, 14 grams of protein, and “once you’re in, you’re in for life.”
Or, try these decidedly less complicated, less controversial Banana Bars by Betty Crocker:
They may not be a Bluth family recipe, but hey, at least you don’t have to eat them in jail, am I right?
10. Orange County Prison Ice Cream Sandwiches:
They may be an inmate favorite at the Orange County Prison vending machine, but you can have your own little love affair right in the comfort of your own home…
…IN EVERY VARIATION POSSIBLE:
Okay, well not every variation, but you can try making one of Buzzfeed’s “22 Ice Cream Sandwiches That Dared To Dream!”
Save yourself a trip on the Segway and make these yourself at home:
MMM. Almost good enough to make me forget I’m in love with my cousin*.
*Not actually in love with own cousin. I feel I must specify that.