1.
To matriculate, you wore things you would never otherwise wear around your neck... to a ceremony where you listened to a speech in a language you would never otherwise hear.
2.
You signed up for everything at the Freshers Fair and regretted it every time you opened your inbox.
3.
You bought a 'cheap' bicycle from Cycle King that started falling apart after a month.
4.
You cycled everywhere
5.
Rain or shine
6.
And you hated Headington Hill
7.
You tried rowing in your first term but gave up after seeing how rubbish you were in the Christchurch regatta
8.
You ate crap food in fancy clothes at least once a week.
9.
You had drunken tutors for entertainment at subject dinners.
10.
College balls were the highlight of your year.
11.
You tried to sneak into the SCR for free booze
12.
But some friendly nerdy grads invited you in anyway and tried to chat you up.
13.
You pennied everything, including the gravy
14.
And the pudding
15.
And the water jug.
16.
One of your friends slept with the American visiting student...
17.
Or you did.
18.
You know how important tea is to welfare.
19.
You loved and still love Olives. Sometimes you dream about their roast beef baguette.
20.
You understand 'rowing chat'... but whether you actually enjoy it is another matter.
21.
Every Wednesday, you greeted people with 'Shark End tonight?'
22.
You've shamefully been to Anuba... but never out of your own will.
23.
You had a love hate relationship with Jamals and crew dates
24.
Cheesy chips with garlic sauce from the legend that is Hassan. Enough said.
25.
You loved post-bop PTs outings despite the sweat, grime and water vapour on the walls
26.
When you were a first year, you waited in anticipation for the inaugural second year house party.
27.
You've been to the hipster-filled Cowley house party
28.
And the even more hipster-filled Jericho house party.
29.
You hated 'the tourists', the lying tour guides, and the bratty summer school kids (especially) with a vengeance
30.
You didn't have to pay to go punting like the tourists.
31.
You did not understand the fervent preachers and mad people on Cornmarket Street. You just walked and dodged.
32.
You raved about Port Meadow bonfires
33.
You got to take your friends into Christchurch to see the 'Harry Potter dining hall' for free.
34.
You managed to have an 'essay crisis' every week.
35.
And sent a blank email with 'Please find attached' if you couldn't finish them on time.
36.
Your lecturer didn't show up when there was a bit of snow
37.
You stayed up all night and sat in a crowded High Street Café with a cold croissant and coffee on May Morning
38.
You never really saw the choir, unless you were from Magdalen.
39.
You knew that the Union was just a place for megalomaniacs to prance around and screw each other in a little round robin.
40.
You thought that people in Fit College weren't really that fit.
41.
You can't function in the real world when your weeks aren't numbered.
42.
At the Careers Fair, you pretended to be interested in banks and finance companies... because you wanted the portable speakers. Who cares about the pens, the sweets and the stupid brochures?
43.
You received the death stares after dropping your pen in the library.
44.
When resources were scarce, 'book borrowing' wars began.
45.
You practically imprisoned yourself in a library in your last term
46.
You wore a gown to your exams.
47.
If you were unlucky, you had your lectures in a place called the Exam Schools... and your exams in a place called Summertown.
48.
You had all kinds of weird shit thrown at you after your exams.
49.
Then you went to a club at 9PM and were off your face before midnight.
50.
You got hit on the head with a book when you went back to collect an MA that you did no work for.
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