Quixotic
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    • Quixotic

      I can definitely relate to a lot of these. Now that I’m working full-time, I do miss having more free time to mess around on the internet and sleep in. But it’s also a huge load off my shoulders to do whatever I want when I’m off work, without worrying that I should be applying for jobs. I wish I had put myself out there more, dating-wise, when I was in college. Because yeah, meeting people is much more difficult now! I’m still trying to figure out the exercise thing. I don’t know how people do it, especially when you have a commute that takes a while, like I do.

    • Quixotic

      Exactly. I think it’s silly to pretend that there’s a one-size-fits-all approach to what entertainment is appropriate for kids. Ratings are guidelines, and in practice, different children can handle different types of content. When I was a kid, I was easily scared by supernatural stuff, so even a lot of horror stories for kids scared me a lot. But I loved watching action movies with my dad, and I think that helped me learn that stories (and real life) aren’t always cleanly divided between “good guys” and “bad guys.”

    • Quixotic

      I’m a little surprised that so many people seem to find it easier to front clasp with large breasts, because it’s the opposite for me. I’m somewhere between a 38DD and 38DDD, and my breasts get in the way if I try to clasp my bra in the front and turn it around. There’s no way I’d do it like that. But then, I’m also a little bit overweight and my waist is bigger around than my rib cage, so that might be part of the issue, too. In order to fasten a bra in the front, I have to let it sit lower, more over the top of my stomach.

    • Quixotic

      It depends on the person. Some people use either male or female pronouns, and some use the singular they or a gender-neutral pronoun like “zie/hir.” Most people who openly identify as something other than male or female are used to the fact that people aren’t going to automatically know which pronouns to use for them, and won’t be upset if you ask.

    • Quixotic

      If a company makes and sells wedding cakes, then they can’t refuse to sell someone a wedding cake because of the customer’s identity. It would be illegal to refuse to sell a wedding cake to an interracial couple because you don’t believe in interracial marriage, for example. The only reason why it’s different in regards to LGBT people is that a lot of states don’t recognize sexual orientation and gender identity in their antidiscrimination laws. What would not be discriminatory is if the bakery refused to bake a particular cake that they weren’t comfortable making. A baker who doesn’t feel like what the customer is asking for is possible for them to make can tell them that. A baker who isn’t comfortable with alcohol isn’t obliged to make a rum cake for someone. A baker doesn’t have to agree to make a cake with a particular slogan or symbol on it, as long as they’re otherwise willing to serve the customer. The gay wedding comparison would be if a baker refused to bake a cake that had a pro-gay slogan on it or something along those lines. But baking a general wedding cake is a service that the baker is willing to provide, and whether it’s a gay wedding or a straight wedding makes no difference. It’s the same product being made.

    • Quixotic

      Wedding cakes are just one example of how anti-gay discrimination can affect people. Having someone tell you they won’t bake a cake for you because you’re gay is wrong. It’s discrimination. But yeah, it probably won’t seriously impact your life. Now let’s say you’re a pregnant lesbian who’s admitted to the hospital because you’re starting to miscarry, but the doctor refuses to do anything to save your pregnancy because they don’t believe in lesbian parenting. Or you get fired from your job because you marry your partner. Or you and your partner get stranded when your car breaks down, and the tow truck you call refuses to help you once the driver realizes you’re gay. Allowing legal discrimination can have all sorts of ramifications.

    • Quixotic

      A lot of stuff that’s generally not dangerous is best avoided during pregnancy. Women are discouraged from eating soft cheeses, for example. Not that cat feces is totally harmless to your health when you’re not pregnant. I always wash my hands after cleaning the litter box, and I disinfect the floor if my elderly cat has an accident. But the chances of getting sick aren’t very high. And I say this as someone who’s anxious about germs.

    • Quixotic

      Sometimes it’s still not that easy for people. Being a virgin isn’t always a “choice.” Yes, most people, if they’re desperate enough, can find a way. I suppose I’m “picky” in the sense that I’d prefer to know someone at least a little bit before I have sex with them, meaning that putting an ad on Craigslist for a booty call isn’t for me. But I’m not waiting for the “right person.” I never decided to put off having sex. I just haven’t had many opportunities to date, and being gay, it’s a lot harder for me to find people who are interested in me. There are a lot of reasons why people might have a difficult time finding a partner, even if they’re interested. Shoot, sometimes there is no particular reason, but it just doesn’t happen. I see sex the same way you do, but I can’t just conjure up someone who wants to have fun with me.

    • Quixotic

      Genuine questions are often fine, but when someone approaches it as a joke or implies that they don’t believe the person/respect their identity, that’s not a question asked in good faith. There’s a huge difference between asking an asexual person, “So, does that mean you don’t date?” and saying “Challenge accepted.” There’s a difference between saying “I’ve never heard of genderfluid before, what does that mean?” and saying “How am I supposed to keep up with all these crazy labels? What does genderfluid even mean?” There are also some questions that may be meant well but are just rude, and people should know that they’re rude. You should not be asking someone you don’t know well about their sex life, for example. There are some questions that may be okay if you know someone well but that you just shouldn’t ask a casual acquaintance or stranger.

    • Quixotic

      Asking for unsweetened tea isn’t a weird or particularly difficult order. It’s understandable for mistakes to be made sometimes, especially since they’re probably more used to serving sweetened tea and may go on autopilot, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for a new one as long as you’re polite. Sometimes when I get sweetened tea by mistake, it’s not a big deal and I don’t mind drinking it. But I try to avoid certain types of sweeteners on the recommendation of my doctor, so some days I depend on my drinks being unsweetened just in case.

    • Quixotic

      A lot of people say that kids know Barbie is a doll and don’t want to look like her, and I think on a literal level, that’s generally true. It’s also true that Barbie doesn’t really reflect how real women look—even women who more or less fit society’s beauty standards, like the women featured here, don’t look like Barbie. But I think that ignores the bigger cultural attitudes that influence why Barbie looks the way she does. Barbie’s figure is very exaggerated, but it’s an exaggerated version of real-life beauty norms—tiny waist, large-ish breasts, big eyes, slender neck, etc. Her proportions look weird on real women since they’re not physically possible, but the features are ones that are widely promoted as superior. And while I don’t think Barbie is going to single-handedly teach girls that they need to be skinny and tall and have large breasts to be attractive, I think Barbie is part of an overall culture where children are exposed primarily to that idea of attractiveness from a young age. And when you’re exposed a lot to standards that aren’t very realistic, they start to seem more normal than standards that are more realistic. The few dolls I had that had more true-to-life proportions seemed much larger compared to Barbie, even though in real life, they’d be fairly thin. In the same way, real people who are an average, healthy size sometimes look “fat” compared to a lot of thin celebrities who have been airbrushed to perfection.

    • Quixotic

      Those impressions are the worst. That stuff has the grossest texture to it. The first time I had one done, the hygienist had trouble getting the mold off my teeth. She brightly assured me that she wasn’t going to pull my teeth out with it, but I wasn’t so confident. I’ve been pretty lucky with my retainer, though. I haven’t had any real trouble keeping up with it. It was a huge pain when I first got it, though. The edges of the plastic irritated my tongue and I had a bad sore throat, I think because I kept swallowing when I had the retainer in. It took a few days for me to be able to wear it all day.

    • Quixotic

      Sleep deprivation is one possibility, but accidents like these also happen to parents whose routines are simply changed. I’ve heard more stories of children being left in cars because they were supposed to be driven to daycare by a parent that usually wasn’t responsible for driving them, for example. When people do the same thing every day and then there’s suddenly a change in the routine, that can mess people up. So sleep deprivation isn’t the only reason someone might forget. I do think it would be a little risky to depend on this to make a sound, since malfunctions happen. But since no one plans to forget their kid, I don’t think many people would consciously take for granted that this thing would work. It’s a back-up.

    • Quixotic

      So…he says that he’s not talking about people who have health problems that make it difficult to keep weight off, but he says that when he looks at overweight people, he finds them disgusting. Does this guy have the ability to magically know why someone is overweight? No. So he’s not just judging people who are overweight because of their lifestyles. He’s judging everyone. I also think he’s missing the point of self-acceptance. Loving yourself as you are doesn’t mean you don’t want to improve or change your life. A lot of people have physical traits or conditions that they would opt to change given the opportunity. Most of these can’t be changed overnight, and some can never be changed at all, so you learn to feel confident in your skin. I don’t have to hate myself to want to lose weight. I want to lose weight because I know I’ll feel better if I do, and it’ll be easier for me to find clothes that fit me well. Not because I think I look repulsive. That would be a terrible motivation for me, because I don’t think that losing weight is going to drastically change my appearance. I’m always going to look like me, and I have flaws.

    • Quixotic

      It often happens when someone has a set routine but deviates from it. For example, a parent who’s used to driving straight to work while their partner takes the kid to daycare may be more susceptible to forgetting because they’re not used to making that extra stop. And sometimes small children fall asleep in the car and their presence isn’t immediately noticeable unless you remember to look in the back seat. It’s one of those things that a lot of people think will never happen to them, but it’s not actually something you have a lot of control over (there are things you can do to make sure you’ll see your kid before leaving the car, though. Some people will keep something of the child’s in the front seat to remind them, or put their briefcase in the back seat with the child. I think that’s a good idea). Leaving a child in the car on purpose is definitely stupid, though.

    • Quixotic

      Bisexuality is a spectrum, and whether people identify as bisexual or not mainly has to do with how much their attractions play into their overall sexuality (which is up to them to define). A woman who has had brief sexual encounters or relationships with women but who overwhelmingly prefers men may just identify as straight, but if she’s attracted to women and that feels like a part of who she is, she might identify as bisexual. Whether or not a woman goes on to marry a man has nothing to do with it. Many bisexual people end up in monogamous marriages with either a man or a woman, and that doesn’t change their sexual orientation. Some people are 100% straight or gay, but many people have some capability of finding their usually non-preferred gender attractive. Some people feel that “gay” or “straight” is the most accurate label for how they feel, but that doesn’t mean that any bisexual experiences or feelings they’ve had don’t deserve to be treated with respect.

    • Quixotic

      I don’t think that changing one’s name has to be a big deal, but the reason it is seen that way by a lot of people is because there’s a strong societal expectation in some countries that a woman will take her husband’s name, and this tradition does stem from some sexist attitudes. If the author had not been concerned about having the validity of her marriage questioned if she didn’t change her name, she may have chosen to keep her maiden name. Ideally, everyone should just choose to do whatever makes them happiest, and there are a lot of women who do want their husbands’ names for reasons that have nothing to do with sexist traditions (my mom changed hers because my dad’s name was a lot easier to spell). But it’s not like it’s just a coincidence that it’s far more common for women to take their husbands’ names than vice versa, or even for couples to each keep their own name. When you do something only because you feel pressured to, then yes, it does feel like giving up your identity.

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