1. Maa ki supernatural senses.
That thing you do when you’re alone? Imagine if she could sense it.
2. All girls’ hair constantly blowing in the wind. Even while indoors.
You’re in a nightclub. Where is the gust of wind coming from?
3. And doing a 180 degree hair-flip in normal mundane situations.
Next time, I’ll come stand in front of you so you don’t have to turn.
4. Using animals as messengers of love.
A kabootar delivering a first pyar ki first chitthi. Tuffy the dog being given way too much responsibility to drive the plot forward. A CGI talking parrot who acts better than Hrithik Roshan. (OK so maybe the animals are just a Sooraj Barjatya thing.)
5. The one person that you don’t want hearing your secret constantly standing within earshot.
Protip: Next time you want to share your deep, dark secret, take a quick gander around the room first.
6. Everyone moving in perfect sync without any planning involved.
It’s fun at first, but then it quickly becomes creeptastic.
7. Romancing on snow-capped mountains in barely any clothing.
No, kids, being stranded on a giant block of ice wearing a very thin sari and singing in slow motion is NOT a good date idea.
8. 5-star customer service by a host of gods and goddesses.
Things not going your way? Head to nearest God-like representation, pray (preferably with tears and desperation), cue loud bells/aarti/hymns, and CHAMATKAR! Problem conveniently solved in next scene!
9. Your wedding being literally the saddest day of your life.
Wedding or funeral? Who can tell!
10. Rain functioning as a powerful aphrodisiac that leads to instantaneous sexytime.
Also, pneumonia. And wet socks. Think about that.
11. Instant baby making.
It’s astonishing that the one and only time the guy and girl have sex in the movie must inevitably lead to becoming maa of tumhara bachcha. Fertility ki jai ho!
12. Walking In slow motion.
Indian Standard Time is calculated based on how long it takes for the Bollywood star to walk a few feet.
13. Actions that defy physics… And logic.
Your airborne buddy may have just vaporized the enemy but I assure you, he can’t see you.
14. Handling emotional confrontations and conflicts by singing and dancing.
They dance because they have a boo in common… And a motive for murder.
15. Every single person you know being an incredibly talented and over-eager singer and dancer.
Might I suggest a sedative?
16. Declaring love via nonsensical lyrical metaphors.
I’m sorry, you want to do what? * Files restraining order. *
17. Teleporting to foreign locales for quick song and dance routines.
Okay, this one would be kind of awesome. Enter settings for musical number teleportation: Me + Deepika Padukone + Beaches of Fiji + Romantic song + Dancing seals in the background. Go!