Before we get into this, pop on some Gary Numan.
For years now, dogs have had a monopoly on life-changing car window experiences. Who says tongue-wagging mini ponies can’t in on this action?
Like, even if the window is open a crack, your mini pony will at least try to get his awesome bangs out into the breeze. Dogs have taught them well.
Here’s video of that last little guy in case you thought I elaborately Photoshopped it for this piece.
And it isn’t like mini ponies hang out exclusively in grocery-getters and family cars. Sometimes your mini pony might have the need for speed. Driving with hooves can be a problem in race cars, so they enjoy shotgun when they get the chance.
MY MINI PONY HAS A FIRST NAME, IT’S A-L-M-O-S-T O-N T-H-E O-S-C-A-R M-A-Y-E-R W-I-E-N-E-R-M-O-B-I-L-E.
They don’t even take up an entire seat. Can you imagine a clown car full of mini ponies? I’d explode out of sheer joy.
Even when leaving a car, mini ponies give off an aura of “yeah, I was just in there.”
Mini ponies have been known to take impulse trips to McDonald’s. CAN I GET A HAY-MBURGER?!
Even if your mini pony has a little more junk in the trunk, a van can be a fantastic pony ride. Literally every mode of transportation gets better with these adorable critters.
Unless you try to smuggle one to Guatemala on a plane. The only acceptable means of mini pony flight is first class with nonstop sugar cubes delivered to his seat.
Trucks? Trucks are like cars. You can even keep your mini pony in the cab on a Wal-Mart trip, because he’s fun-size.
Or, y’know, just back in the bed, flying down the highway so your mini pony can look as majestic as possible.
Come on, it’s pretty much guaranteed that this guy is getting in that truck bed. Do you see the intricate tailgate?
When I moved to New York City years ago, I traded in my car for a subway card. The only way that trade pays dividends is if a mini pony trots on at some point.
Mini ponies make incredible service animals. I bet this one could tell if the D was running local or express through Park and South Slopes late night. NYC JOKE!
So if the subway is your car, make sure your mini pony is always at your side.