I slept with a bisexual because I have a noodle in my nose……

I smoked Paris Hilton's ganja.
Clearly I couldn't afford whatever it is she's smokin' these days so, we'll have to assume I was pinching off of her. And loving it?

I shagged a horse because I have AMAZING boobs.
Birthday WIN!

welcome back to middle school

I smoked with a horse because I love marijuana.
Damn straight.

I banged**** a glass of milk because I'm sexy as hell!

I slept with a hooker because I smoke crack. fml

I stabbed a jar of honey because i'm beautiful.

I ate out a prostitute because I had to.

i ate out my ex because that's how I roll

I stabbed a stripper because I'm sexy as hell ;)

I cuddled with a toothbrush because I had to? Totally.

I cuddled with a homo**** because i have AMAZING boobs. what do the asterisks mean????

hahahaha…
“i cuddled with a jew because i'm sexy as hell”
so stupid it's funny :P

I ran shirtless with a Jew because I'm sexy as hell.

i slept with an orange because im sexy as hell

“i killed a cat because i have amazing boobs”
well, they are pretty great. but i'd never hurt a cat. honest, jack!

I killed a bowl of cereal because I'm beautiful. Holy shit. I never told anyone about that. Never.

i ran naked with a pickle because i like marijuanna story of my damn life.