• I finally understand the uncanny valley.

  • I may look cute and fluffy, but I will BRING IT in the mosh pit.

  • I’ve never told my owner, but despite her efforts, I’m more into dudes than ladies.

  • At night, I do the Single Ladies dance in my room in front of my mirror.

  • I’m pretty sure my owner’s food is going to kill me.

  • Sometimes I pee a little in the bath.

  • I have discovered that exercise is totally overrated.

  • I can’t tell my cat-bros, but my girlfriend is a mouse.

  • Every time they take “the raspberry pic,” it brings up all my old size issues.

  • I can’t bring chicks home because I sleep walk like crazy.