Definitive Ranking Of Catfish Guest Hosts

Luckily, Max is back now, but not after us having to endure a parade of “star co-hosts”, each one more inept than the next. (Okay - with possibly one exception. See: #1.) Please enjoy our candid ranking of each of them, from worst to best.

5. Cassidy Wolf

The episode Cassidy Wolf guest stars in could had been really wild - the catfish himself contacted the show claiming to be the catfisheé. Crazy creepy already, right?

But the episode’s story loses its momentum when more focus is put on the former Miss Teen USA’s past experience being cyber-stalked by a dude who hacked into her webcam. It’s a highly terrifying and highly educational story (I keep a piece of tape is over mine now!) and of course she’s very strong for surviving the whole ordeal, but it made for a super awkward episode when she started bursting out crying after they met the episode’s Catfish. She didn’t offer much else besides that, and the girl who was the victim this episode had to comfort her. Maybe not the best choice, MTV.

4. Charlemagne Tha God

It might shock you to learn that someone who calls himself “Tha God” is extremely obnoxious and has little to no mouth filter. Nothing more classy than referring to having sex with a woman as “slamming” her and filming the shelves in someone’s house while muttering “check out the medication”!

The first Charlemagne was famous for unifying Western European culture and reforming the medieval papacy. This Charlemagne is famous for lending quips for a MTV2 show called “Guy Code” and now, co-hosting an episode of Catfish where he flippantly suggests the reason someone with Lupus isn’t answering their texts is because “they died”. Whose contributions to the history are more lasting? I’m sure only time will tell.

3. Alex Schaffer

Landing solidly in the middle is this generic young white man whose face I forget the minute after I see it. When I try and think back on his voice, I hear nothing but static, a ceiling fan chucking away at the air, a refrigerator humming in the corner of a room. When I try and remember what he looks like, my mind’s eye only sees a smudge of personness filling a sliver of space and time. That is to say: I remember nothing he did or said the entire episode he was in. He might be a ghost. You cannot pass judgement on a spectral being, so he’s neither here or there at number 3 of 5.

2. Tyler Oakley

On the opposite end of the spectrum, YouTube personality Tyler Oakley is a cute lil’ sparkle of a human being, a-flutter with facial expressions and quips. All I gots to say is: pale spikeyish hair alone does not make a Max.

One thing that made me crack up was how quickly he’d flip-flop between “girl, he a catch, yeah, you gonna get married forever and always and it’s gonna be amazing!” to “omg she’s delusional, right, right?!” Love your YouTube work, Tyler, but I wouldn’t be gunning for Max’s position any time soon.

1. Angel Haze

Angel Haze, you are, indeed, an eloquent and ombre-haired angel. If anything were to happen to Nev or Max, you are the one I would accept as a permanent replacement.

A perfect balance of empathy and tough love, Angel did something I feel like neither of the regular hosts do enough: calling out the Catfish “victim” on mostly just being upset the person they have been talking to isn’t as “hot” as the picture on their profile. The fallback is usually “yeah I’m disappointed s/he isn’t the person in the pictures, but mostly just on principle!” Yeaaaah, right. When Catfish victim Harold finds out that his Catfish is definitely not the girl in the picture, but might be one of two girls they found, he recoils at the notion of the first girl presented, and then says he might be able to come to terms with the second.

Angel matter-of-factly calls him out, “It’s just about the superficial for you.” SOOO GOOD.

Also, outside of a brief reference to her own Catfish experience, Angel didn’t feel the need to keep focus on her at every given turn. She actually, you know, hosted. Apparently she and Nev have a show project underway called Truce. Not sure how it will compare, but I understand why MTV producers want to keep a hold of this one.

Max Joseph, we’re glad you’re back now. We understand you aspire to have a film-making career outside of Catfish, but what you need to understand is that we need you.

You’re more than just the man who has a hold of the camera - you’re the man who has a hold of our hearts.