It’s a name I usually associate with balding dads who are bankers. And yet, it’s been bestowed upon three of the sexiest, most powerful men in pop-culture. IS THERE ROOM IN THE WORLD FOR THREE HARRYS? They’ll have to battle it out here on Buzzfeed to determine who wins the coveted, first-name-only #Harry hashtag.
2. The contenders:
3. Harry Styles.
Silly Sexy Siren Supreme.
4. Harry Potter.
Matchless and Manly Magical Master.
5. Prince Harry.
Powerful and Pine-worthy Prince (Plus Provocative Party Poser?)
6. Here’s the problem:
They’re actually much more closely matched than you might initially think.
Below is an evaluation of each competitor’s useful skills and resources. Choose sides wisely.
7. Prince Harry has some serious back-up under his command
Harry, already an officer in the British Army, qualified as an Apache aircraft commander last month.
Can’t touch this, little boy Harrys.
8. But Dumbledore’s Army is legit unstoppable.
Harry was the leader of a rebel force when he was FIFTEEN. He grew up to be a badass wizard cop.
Besides, if you imposter Harrys even try to mess with him, Neville will EFF YOU UP.
9. And Styles’s Army of Skanks rivals Regina George’s.
Harry has a tight personal security detail consisting of crazed fans who would do anything for his sexual favors. That girl is actually paying HIM for the coveted position of Human Bullet-Proof Vest.
Can you part the rage red sea of 1D fans, Harrys, my boys?
10. You might think magic gives Potter an automatic unfair advantage…
Avada Kedavra is a little hard to compete with, after all.
11. But wait…
is that the Elder Wand?
Look at Kate protecting her royal womb from her power hungry brother-in-law.
HE WILL BE CROWNED KING OF THE HARRYS IF NOTHING ELSE.
12. And Styles did reference the Wizarding World in a Vine where his bandmate disappeared into a wall…
HE KNOWS SOMETHING.
13. They all have karma on their side,
Bring on the AWWWWW.
How can you root for him to lose now?
14. Seriously so much good energy in their corners,
Harry should be commended, not condemned for his awesome humanitarian efforts. And also his fearless moves (he deserves so much karma for those).
15. They’ve earned their Harryness with good behavior,
Harry also sacrificed his life to save all of humankind from Voldemort. But he used that karma up coming back from the dead, so, this is probably his most honorable move otherwise.
16. They all have animal agents,
Hedwig will beak the other Harrys to death if they come at her bestie.
(She’s still alive, OK? I firmly believe a good portion of Deathly Hallows never happened. RIP FRED, LUPIN, TONKS…. God, this list needs its own post.)
Don’t let the furry adorableness fool you. A Koala can be a legit weapon… just listen to the noises the make here!
Also, I don’t know about the other Harrys, but if Harry S. came running at me with a koala and that face, I’d GTFO.
He’d throw it at the competition like a grenade.
19. Or he could catch the enemies with his python lasso,
20. But then he’d risk being chased down and eaten by dogs.
This one will nip at your Harry’s heels until death comes.
I’m not sure if this is Sirius as Padfoot or Lupin as a werewolf. Eitherway some pissed off friend of Harry’s dead dad is going attack in canine form.
22. All Super Harrys have a weakness. Once again, they make our deliberation difficult, because they’re SO MUCH ALIKE!
I have no problems with that, personally. But it might make Harry vulnerable to his similarly-named assassins.
Horse shield to protect from porcupine grenades: check.
Is this a battleground for the right to remain Harry or a nudist colony?
25. So as not to end on a negative note (not that I have any problems with the Harrys’ shared nudity fetish), let’s give the candidates a quick chance to tell us why they deserve to win our votes.
Can’t argue with that one. Styles is adopting a simple and factual platform.
Going for the female vote. Good move.
Well. I guess that settles it.
29. So there you have it. Harry v. Harry v. Harry. What’s your verdict?
30. SHUT UP, KATNISS YOU CAN’T PLAY.
(She always does that!)
- World leaders are gathering in Paris for the United Nations summit on climate change 🌍 ›