31 Signs You’re From Newbridge, NJ


1. Your first job out of high school was at Consolidated Cardboard.

You still live in fear of being fired, rehired, and then fired again by Old Man Dalrymple.

ID: 1895691

2. You’ve fallen asleep in the middle of at least one phone call after doing too much Blue.

Flickr/Jon Swanson / Via cbsnews.com

Much, much worse things happened when you were on Emerald Nightmare.

ID: 1890197

3. You bought all your favorite albums by Sister Sheila, Mother 13, S. Hitface, Old Skull, and Norse Savage at CD Submarine.

It’s also where you traded in your unwanted records by Kenny Dupree, Darren Robbins and the Rockstars, MickNickPickMickNick, and Pout.

ID: 1890214

4. You can’t watch Happy Days because they never show Funzie stealin’ nothin’.

He don’t make no one wear a car either!

ID: 1891459

5. You always get misty-eyed when you remember the late Kevin Allin.

It seems like it was just yesterday that he passed on…

ID: 1889971

6. You voted for Philly Boy Roy Ziegler in the 2008 mayubernatorial election.

But you’re sad that he never brought the “Running of the Cheesesteaks” to Newbridge.

ID: 1890239

7. You fondly remember when Brendan Fraser aged himself up with Oldzonareveren for his role in President Baseball.

And when he de-aged himself later with Youngoproxin.

ID: 1890040

8. The Jock Squad goons at Radio Hut have smashed up at least one of your electronic devices.

But you still cherish your vintage POT80 Porta-Ghetto boombox.

ID: 1890699

9. You’ve been punched out by Hammerhead at a local hardcore show.


ID: 1890726

10. You refuse to watch Survivor after what they did to poor Reggie Monroe.

What’s so wrong with a little pant rummage?

ID: 1890730

11. You’ve paid rent to stay at Bryce Prefontaine’s lean-to in the woods behind the Footlocker Grey at Newbridge Commons.

ID: 1890843

12. You have memorized every line of “Rock & Roll Dreams’ll Come Through” by The Gas Station Dogs.

ID: 1890875

13. Trent L. Strauss is your favorite filmmaker.

But it’s really hard to decide whether your favorite movie is The Tool Belt Killer, Face Peelers 4, or You’re Soaking In Her.

ID: 1890979

14. You or someone you know has hooked up with Sheila Larson at some point.

Yeah…we’re talking about mouth fun. WHAT?

ID: 1895294

15. You know the difference between a chain fight and a slap fight…

ID: 1890912

16. …and a belt whip and a laser whip.

ID: 1890922

17. You’re used to pretty much every building in town being infested with mice wearing capes.

ID: 1891265

18. Lemon and rye are your favorite flavors of batter-butled fare at The Batter Butler.

Melissa Hom / Via nymag.com
ID: 1895169

19. You consider this book by Ronald Thomas Clontle to be the ultimate argument settler.

ID: 1891013

20. You have an extensive collection of Shouterday Night Live episodes on VHS tape.

You always tear up when they do the “silver bye-bye.”

ID: 1891872

21. You were scandalized when you heard about what Judge Davies was doing under his robe.

But it definitely explained all the thudding and whirring in his courtroom.

ID: 1891950

22. You’re still pissed off that Rambocky didn’t win the Academy Award for Best Picture.

ID: 1891792

23. You bought your last three cars at Gene Simmons Toyota.

It’s everyone’s dream and fontasy.

ID: 1892083

24. You are forever scarred by – yet totally obsessed with – the things you saw in The Magazine.

ID: 1891329

25. You didn’t believe Timmy Von Trimble was real until you held him in the palm of your hand.

ID: 1896433

26. You don’t mind risking a bit of heart stoppage by devouring an entire Chocolageddon from Dessert Town.

You’ve lost a lot of weight from all that NegaCal. And the worms, of course.

ID: 1895204

27. Your house is stocked with Hippy Johnny soap, toothpaste, and motor oil.

ID: 1893878

28. You still can’t believe Archie got the electric chair in the series finale of Archie Bunker’s Place.

ID: 1892234

29. You live in constant fear of getting stomped, barged, whipped, or exsanguinated.

And what if someone with flagrant night prowls comes along and makes your place look like a carwash?

ID: 1891514

30. You always go to – oh wait, I think that’s Officer Harrups!

ID: 1896215


ID: 1895836

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