1. You're tired.
2. So tired.
3. And not just multiple-cups-of-coffee tired.
4. Coffee-and-vodka tired.
5. Selena-Gomez-Playing-Golf tired.
6. So tired that you poured orange juice into your cereal this morning.
7. And you wish you had a superpower to postpone "morning" until 2 p.m.
8. Tired enough to wish that there were a rollover plan for all of your childhood naps.
9. Or at least some sort of distinguished honor.
10. Just wanna fall into the nap.
11. It's only 10 a.m. and you've officially reached counterproductive o'clock.
12. Or maybe it's more like fuck-this-shit o'clock.
13. Or curl-into-a-ball o'clock if we're getting pedantic.
14. Whatever time it is, your uselessness is a virtue.
15. That bottle of wine you drank is really hitting you on its way out.
16. But hey, at least your T-shirt matches your purple-stained lips.
17. You should be proud that you even managed to get dressed.
18. It's about all you can handle right now.
19. Just remember: You're not lazy, you're "effortless."
20. "I woke up like this," and not the way Beyoncé does.
21. So thankful that we live in an era that thinks pajamas in the outside world are socially acceptable.
22. Not that you'll actually be encountering the outside world anytime soon.
23. You're too busy to tell anyone how busy you are. BUSY DOING NOTHING.
24. Words can't even express how much you don't care.
25. Does judging people count as exercise?
26. Does running late count as exercise?
27. Everything is hard.
28. The end.
