1. Brushing your teeth in the shower.
The holy grail of any lazy person’s morning (or afternoon depending on what time you wake up).
2. Using dry shampoo.
It’s not gross, it’s the greatest invention in hair history.
3. Only wearing one color of sock.
Because fuck matching.
4. Owning more pairs of underwear than days of the year.
The fruitful consequence of abstaining from laundry as long as possible.
6. Investing in a pair of raw denim jeans.
The directions SAY not to wash them, OK??
7. Keeping a lifetime supply of Febreze on hand at all times.
Just don’t Febreze your dog because that’s taking things too far.
8. Only microwaving in 30 second increments.
Your button pressing time is very valuable.
9. Perfecting this maneuver.
You live by the motto “if you can’t reach it, you don’t need it.”
10. Washing your clothes on cold so you don’t have to separate your laundry.
An extra scoop of laundry detergent will kill the bacteria, right?
11. Having more than one use for your leaf blower.
Dusty kitchen floor? Dirty car? One blast from the leaf blower is all you need!
12. Wearing Uggs.
Before harshly judging someone for this unfortunate fashion choice, stop to think that they might just be lazy beyond belief, just like you!
13. Attaching velcro to your fitted sheets so they don’t slip off.
If you DON’T do this, then you just learned a very important life hack, my friend. You may not believe in making your bed, but at least you pride yourself on having sheets in the first place.
14. Sleeping in the shirt you wore that day.
Bedtime ritual: take off pants. The end.
15. Rolling instead of walking.
If you have a rolly chair in your office, you know what I’m talking about.
16. Employing the “spin and tuck” method of bread bag closing.
This tried-and-true method has an official name.
17. Only wearing clothes that pull on or pull over.
Pajorts = term for pajamas that have been cut into shorts. If you own a pair, congrats! You are NLL (Next Level Lazy).
18. Eating over the sink so that no plates are involved.
Eating food and savoring it is for precious people with precious time to be wasted.
19. Eating the stickers on fruit because you’re too lazy to peel them off.
Get this — THEY’RE EDIBLE.
20. Peeing sitting down.
Fun tip: not only do you get to sit down, but the toilet doesn’t get as dirty.
21. Owning many chargers.
Preferably a phone and computer charger in each room so you never have to get up to retrieve one.
22. Cooking in one of two things:
If you’re lazy and you haven’t discovered crockpot cooking, I feel sorry for you.
23. Buying weird gadgets that let you do everything lying down.
24. Living out of your suitcase instead of unpacking.
If it takes you longer to unpack than the length of your trip, you’re doing it right.
25. Just all around BEING RESOURCEFUL.
You use a t-shirt when your pillowcase gets dirty. You layer your trash bags so you don’t need to re-bag it when you take out the trash.
And basically, no one can tell if you’re really lazy or actually a genius.