1. You refer to those you are meeting for a first date as unsubs…
Fingers crossed they’re not overly neat and organized.
2. And you make all of your friends sit at a table afterward to profile that person.
“The unsub we’re looking for was with you last night. Tell us about how that went.”
3. But try as you might, thanks to the life you chose, you can’t seem to make any meaningful relationships in your life last. (The watching-Criminal Minds-life)
You have to pick one love.
4. You’ve learned to never smile.
5. You try to flirt with your friends over the phone.
Anddd they don’t get it of course.
6. You can blurt out random facts that you should have no business knowing.
But everyone knows you’re actually clueless.
7. You also randomly quote famous figures throughout the day.
Because this show is for the wise.
8. You’ve dyed your hair in every color in the book.
9. You keep telling everyone that you need a vacation.
Even though you clearly are on a permanent vacation because all you do is watch Netflix.
10. You feel the need to negotiate everything.
11. You’ve grown a goatee and began referring to yourself as Rossi.
And begun saying very vague, boring, dull, cliche comments GRRRRRR.
12. You keep calling your friend with the initials J.J. and telling them to get a press conference ready.
While asking them to be the liaison between you and the family. (What family?)
13. You will search for everything you lose for 48 hours if you have to…
^^^^Except it’s something far less serious like a remote control or your cell phone.
14. Because that’s the window you have.
Not really, your phone isn’t going anywhere.
15. You keep insisting you have eidetic memory.
16. And that you can read 20,000 words per minute.
Chances are, you don’t.
17. You’ve transformed the room with your TV to look like the inside of a private jet.
Cool move, but too far.
18. You try to profile everyone in your life…
Until they finally snap.