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14 Dinosaurs Who Are Hot Messes

Everyone remembers how bad-ass T-Rex was, but let’s take a moment to talk about these evolutionary drunkards.

1. This hot mess with a nasal cavity that is TOO DAMN LONG. Who needs that much nose, huh? Cokeheads*, that’s who.

*Nobody’s actually positive what Parasaurolophus’s elongated crest was for, but hypotheses include wooing a sexy mate (duh) or communication.

2. This confused little shithead who missed the memo that chickens* are not all that cool.

*Fun fact: chickens are descended from dinosaurs.

3. This dickhead who is trying way too hard. Get a manicure, sheesh.*

*Therizinosaur’s claws were over three feet long… and yet it was a herbivore. Waaasteful.

4. This overcompensating asshole.*

*Nobody has any clue in hell what the horn on Tsintaosaurus’s head was for.

5. This failure who gives raptors a bad name and obviously needs to rewatch Jurassic Park.

*Gigantoraptor didn’t have any teeth either so why even bother with life.

6. This poor bastard who makes T-Rex look ripped*.

*Some scientists think Carnotaurus’s arms might have been totally functionless. Cool.

7. …Who is at least marginally cooler than this jerk.*

*Linhenykus’s stupid little one finger-claw may have been used to dig through bug nests, actually making it more useful than Carnotaurus’s stunted arms.

8. This prancy little fucker.*

*Epidexipteryx was the first dinosaur fossil discovered with feathers so I guess that’s cool.

9. This bonehead who doesn’t understand that bowl haircuts weren’t even cool two million years ago.*

*Actual boney head may have been used for shoving contests. Yes, shoving. Get a better hobby, Stygimoloch.

10. This simpleton who has to worry about getting tangled in his own neck.

*Tanystropheus’s neck was ten feet long… and made up of only ten vertebrae. Considering we have 24… WHUT?

11. This actual numbskull.*

*Ankylosaurus has the same kind of bony armor found on armadillos and crocodiles today, only crocodiles look about 300x less stupid.

12. This… I don’t even know what, but it needs to put down the acid tabs ASAP.

*Despite being about the size of a giraffe and looking like that, scientists think Quetzalcoatlus could probably actually fly.

13. This danger to our airspace.*

*When Dimorphodon wasn’t flying around, he walked on all fours like an idiot.

14. This fool who was probably dropped on his head as a child.*

*Nobody’s actually positive why Brachylophosaurus’s head was like that, but my second guess is “slammed between two doors”.

15. And this winged wanna-be. Did nobody tell you parachute pants were only cool in the 80s!?*

*Okay, so not technically a dinosaur, but could YOU resist?

Good work, Evolution. A+

All dinosaurs are beautiful in their own way, and no dinosaurs were harmed in the making of this post.

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