1. Update 2.16 PM: The dog-watching reporter was the Telegraph’s Chris Bascombe, who comes clean here.
He says he was trying to decide what kind of dog most closely resembles Belgian midfielder Marouane Fellaini:
“In the diligent pursuit of accuracy I used a well known search engine to check photographs of an Afghan hound. My instincts were right. Fellaini bore no resemblance. So then, what dog? Ah, there it is. A poodle. Fellaini, with that bushy head, resembled a poodle on steroids. An overgrown poodle. That’s it. That will do.”