10 Things You Missed This Week In Local Newspapers

Mystery intruders, armed robbers with golden guns and twerking competitions. You really couldn’t make it up.

1. Twerking is the dance craze sweeping the nation. But not, it seems, in Birmingham.

As a spokesman for the event puts it, “advanced twerking, such as handstands off the wall or moving your cheeks individually, takes hours of practice.”

Take note, Birmingham.

2. This is one of the strangest tales we’ve seen in a long while. It involves a woman called “Susan” (not her real name).

Firstly, “Susan” complained that a mystery man had entered her house on more than one occasion and even taken a picture of himself on her phone.

Crisps and biscuits going missing for weeks - Susan and her daughter were on a healthy eating kick, so it can’t have been them and must have been the intruder. She changed all the locks in the house and contacted the police.

“I want to know who he is and why he came into my home. I will feel safe when I know who he is,” she told the Herald.

But wait - it’s all fine! The next day she suddenly remembered she knew who the mystery man was. She invited him over for coffee.

This prompted one of the best news intros in recent memory:

“A WOMAN who claimed a mystery man crept into her house and took a photo of himself on her phone has remembered that she actually knows the man.”

A local police spokesman said: “We assume this was a genuine lapse of memory by this woman and we want to apologise to anyone who has been distressed by initially reading this story.”

However, as the Herald rightly points out, some mystery lives on: “It remains unclear why the man was using the woman’s phone - or who was eating the crisps.”

3. This is not something you normally see in your average Northamptonshire takeaway joint.

4. You can rely on Bedfordshire firefighters to deal with every problem

5. What is it with ducks? This week Littlehampton was the latest place to witness duck-related drama.

bedfordshire-news.co.uk / Via @no_answers_here

6. Nothing is sacred in Sussex, with horses doing their business on a new bridge.

7. You can always count on dogs to ward off intruders, like this one in Chudleigh, Devon.

8. Imagine buying a £470 iPad from Tesco, only to find nothing in the box except CLAY and then get ARRESTED for demanding a refund.

 

That’s exactly what happened to Colin Marsh, 47, from Herne Bay, who spent three hours in a prison cell on suspicion of fraud only or the charges to be dropped weeks later (via KentOnline).

9. An extraordinary headline from the Newcastle Chronicle, raising the question of how one would physically seize a horse.

“So what did you do at work today, darling?”

10. We’re struggling to picture this late night scene in Plymouth.

“A PIRATE and a giant punched a musician as a late-night row in a bar turned to violence, a court heard.

“Off-duty bouncers Sean Warne, who was in fancy dress, and 6ft 8in tall Lee Bunker attacked the man, a jury was told.”

The trial continues. Via The Herald, Plymouth.

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